Thanks for the input and support, guys. Ellie, what you’re saying is exactly my line of thought. I am doing some serious soul-searching about what I need and want and if S. is capable of stepping up to the plate (or, at least, capable of stepping up to mine). I’ve gone through almost every possible scenario for why he’d have this woman’s number, and since he doesn’t sell anything or buy much of anything, I’m pretty sure it was a flirtation (but not sex in the parking lot – I did see him that night). If she offered or he asked makes no difference to me – the fact is he notated it and kept it, so it wasn’t unwanted. I have toyed with going and asking her the deal, but at this point it seems too stalkerish for my taste (not ruling it out, though! ).
MF, I had no idea. I just caught myself up on your thread and I’m so sorry for all you’re going through – what a lout! Double puke for him! ~~~~~~~** ((((((((((((((((((MF)))))))))))))))))))))
Thanks, Wendy, for the encouragement. I’m not going anywhere… my own sitch may be a shambles, but you can’t shut me up on everyone else’s!
I have now reminded myself that I can’t control what he does (even if I have ways to find out about it), thinks, or looks at on the Internet.
So, what CAN I do? I was considering another bout of darkness, or at least a mini-cloak, as a way to jump-start my stalled GAL activities and move forward and give a nudging reminder to S. that he DID, once (for about a couple of weeks), think all those things Ellie mentioned (SO's coming back has not exactly been of the "you are the love of my life, I don't know what I was thinking, I couldn't bear to lose you" type.) Of course, then the struggle is, am I just doing this to get a reaction? Well, if it helps me to focus more on ME and MY life and in the process happens to give him a kick in the shorts, then who cares?
Then I take a look at my schedule. I wanted to sign up for a class, but as usual, I’m gone for 6 days here, 10 days there and would miss too much class to make it w/w. OK, so get my butt to the gym. Back to yoga (stopped since right before we went away at Xmas). Get back to kung fu. Organize my stuff so that when I have to move in August I’ll be ready to pack well in advance. Go visit friends in Boston and Baltimore on weekends. Read more, a goal I have done really well meeting this new year. Go to the movies. Start studying Arabic, something I’ve wanted to do since I got back from Tunisia two years ago.
In the meantime, I can wait and watch, and I think I can ask for more information without putting everything on the line. I’ve rehearsed lines in my head like, “Do you want to tell me who Simone is, and why you have her telephone number?” in the most calm voice I can muster. Alternatively, I can say I feel we’re not connected lately, and I’d like things to improve. I can say I feel he’s looking outside the R, and ask him to let me know what kind of attention he needs and isn’t getting from me. I can gently say I saw the number and not ask about it, and use that bit of information to open a discussion about our R and how we can make it stronger.
At any rate, none of this is happening before Sunday’s brunch, and I’ve got to get going on the preparations… again, thanks for the support and encouragement. I’ve had a knot in my stomach for three days (and I thought it was the chips and salsa, H2H!).
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~~~~~~~** ((((((((((((((((((MF)))))))))))))))))))))
