Hello, all. Thanks, MidiP, Koshka, for stopping by.

I’ve been reticent about posting because things are so volatile in my sitch I’ve been reluctant to write anything down lest it change 15 minutes later. Another thing I’ve been grappling with is a level of honesty – really this isn’t an “anonymous” forum, when you’ve met fellow DBers and you know SO much about a lot of people here. I realize that people come here for the very reason that this is a place to be totally naked, let it all hang out, be as dumb as you have to be, and grow and work things through without judgment or harsh treatment. But the fact remains for me, and maybe I’m just vain , that now that I feel I am “known,” I have some kind of “image” to protect (no, not the fruit loop one, SD! ). I’ve made it through to some semblance of success – I have my partner back, mostly; I’ve learned a heck of a lot; and I KNOW when I’m screwing up, sometimes even before I do it – and here I am balking at letting my backslides be known, my trials be seen, because it’s embarrassing in a way, or disappointing… a let-down. How can I give sound advice in others’ houses when I’m stinking up my own house?

Merrick has reminded me on several occasions that I don’t HAVE to post every detail of my life, and this I know, but it seems dishonest to be here for support and advice and not report about the ditch I’ve dug myself or the new developments in S’s commitment (or lack thereof). So, I struggle with posting the very things I came here to let loose from, to relieve myself of, to get help with or just to have a shoulder to cry on about.

In any case, it helps to at least be honest about being dishonest, or withholding, and maybe it’s the catalyst I need to get back on track and start acting in a way I’m not ashamed to post about!

Thanks for listening.

shameless plug for my NEWEST thread