GBO, thanks. No, he has never come that far around to agree that a friendship is inappropriate. He has always held out hope that somehow she could be integrated one day, as in, one day in the rosy future, she can come and stay with us in New York and chuck our baby under the chin. You're right - he is committed to making the R work, even as he has doubts (expressed to me in our calmer conversation of yesterday, before the papers flew) about when to concede that things aren't working and when to keep plugging on. WHICH is why it is SO dangerous for him to be contacting her right now.
Sage, nice to hear from you! No, he didn't offer up the information, I had to ask. Then he "volunteered" that there had been a postcard from her when we got back two and a half weeks ago, and that he felt he had to send her a letter before we left, which is a week from today. He had no intention of telling me before he sent the letter, if ever.
Tonight I go to his place for trip planning. He was supposed to have contacted a therapist today, one he saw years ago and liked, but I have received no call about a time, and so I think he didn't do it. I don't know why else he hasn't called, because the backup plan in order for us to see a T BEFORE we go was: I was getting a recommendation from my T as a backup, and I've had those numbers at the ready all day, waiting to see if I needed to use them (i.e., if he wasn't able to secure us an appointment).
So I'm left in a quandary - if he didn't call for an appointment (unless he just booked us without calling to ask if I was available, which would really surprise me given his methodical scheduling brain), time is running out, and he should have let me know ASAP so I could call one of the other Ts (this was all his idea, BTW), and now it's after 5 on Tuesday. Of course, if I say ONE WORD about it, he will freak out and say nothing he does is right, and if I let it go? No therapist.
