The thing that really alarms me about this is that when we broke up in June, we had almost this exact same conversation. I had reached a fever-pitch level of frustration over his stonewalling, denials that she was more than a friend, and complete secrecy over their correspondence (which I accessed through snooping). He refused to talk to me about it, saying that he was trying to focus on OUR rela and nothing had anything to do with her. Basically, protecting HER against the ravages of ME.
[Newbies to my thread will not know that he went away to see her for three weeks in 2003 (including a secret week in Paris, MY CITY, which he had refused to go to with me), all the while saying he was visiting friends in Switzerland, among them Swiss Miss, who was an old friend (he has many women friends, and why would a woman in Switzerland arouse my suspicion?). He even went so far as to show me the pictures of their trip, continually feigning innocence until it hit me like a ton of bricks, I asked, and he spilled the beans. Boy, did I feel stupid, all the while wishing him a merry trip.]
So when he came back to me, he professed he wanted to face his infidelity, that I was right all along, that there was no way that he could have been focused on our R when he had someone waiting in the wings, etc etc etc. As time went on, he got more annoyed on the rare occasions I brought her up, sighing and lamenting that he would NEVER live it down, that I would never forget it (sounds familiar to many of you, I imagine). So this last time, after he receives the postcard, HIDES IT, doesn't tell me about it, and plans (clearly with no thought to letting me know) to write her a letter, which is SO intensely personal (why not an e-mail?) then freaks out and yells at me - you guessed it - that he's been trying to focus on OUR rela and nothing had anything to do with her. Sound familiar? Just go back and look at my threads from May and June... it's all there.
So I am alarmed because he has done a 360 on this issue, it seems to me. Now, he may VERY WELL write her a Dear John letter. But in light of the recent fragility of our R, and that he has been feeling guilty about her, and that he has chosen not to include me in this process, I ain't bettin' on it.
Yes, Betsey, he feels a real connection with her. They used to talk HOURS on the phone, 3-4 times a week. Long e-mails, and her sending letters weekly. Yes, we DO need a BARF icon. Let me try:
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