Thank you Wendy, Koshka, Christian, Nevanna, and welcome, Caesar!
Oof! What a day. Right after I posted, S. let himself in and appeared on the landing outside my study, hovering in the shadows, asking if I had a moment. I said "of course," and we went into my room. He stood there for a moment, us looking at each other, and he gave a slight laugh, and then we both cracked up. Not rolling on the floor, mind you, but I had the giggles bigtime. They were nervous giggles, for sure, but I was also getting a good laugh in at my own expense.
I asked him if he was covered in paper cuts, which sent us again into laughter. He said he came over to apologize, and I said I was sorry too, and we talked for a minute about that was no way to be, after all the talking we'd done all day, and he asked me if I changed my reservation for Chile already (huh? I guess he thought I had because I was sitting at the computer), and I laughed and said "No, I'm going to Chile, with or without you," and he said "My sentiments exactly," and I said, "And if I have to sit next to you on the plane? I have a new iPod!" which was his big Christmas gift to me this year, and so that got a big smile, too.
Whew. So I went out on a limb and said "Would you be interested in going to see a therapist before we go?" and before I even got it out of my mouth he said "Yes," and we talked about logistics (he wants to go to this woman he saw twice years ago, and after asking him how he felt about having been there with someone else, and his saying it wouldn't be an issue, we agreed that he would call her, and that I would ask my T for a rec as a backup). I said we should just see it as one session, and leave it at that, and revisit the therapy issue when we get back (I was trying to make it seem less threatening to him, although he seemed totally into it, actually).
So he wondered aloud how much a 50-minute session would actually do for us, and I suggested we go for two hours, and he immediately agreed, and so there you go.
He then asked if we should still get together tomorrow night as planned to talk about our trip, and I said, "I think we should plan this trip," and he said "I think so, too," and we agreed on a time, and we hugged, and he left.
I'm still reeling over the reaction he had over corresponding with OW. It sounded so much like where we were last year, with my freaking out and his stonewalling. Ugh. And he JUST read Shirley Glass's interview I sent him about infidelity and he STILL wants to write her, because just not talking to her "is no way to treat a friend?"
I want to ask him to see the letter before he sends it, but I'm not sure of myself. Any ideas? I'm definitely going to bring it up in counseling. I will probably try to see my own T before we go, if possible.
I was telling H2H on the phone last night (thanks, H2H, for being there for me so late at night!) that this is an issue I will leave him over, that if he starts up with OW again I will make it clear that I will leave. But how to take a stand when he is reverting back to old behaviors with her (or so it would seem)? I know one postcard does not an EA make, but it's dangerous territory, and I knew at some point there would be some communication, sice it was left dangling. So why did *I* know she would contact him at the holidays, and according to him, the postcard was "out of the blue"?
