Why don't you post a thread here and we'll see if we can offer some help. First of all I can't tell if you believe that your W has a drinking problem or not. If she does, then you need to seek help through Al-Anon or a counselor for yourself or something. Sex isn't the issue.
If you ignored your W sexually before you may need to be honest with yourself about that. As for "inappropriate" times, many people who are HD find this to be an excuse more than a real "reason". For example, if we haven't had sex for weeks on end I don't consider it "inappropriate" for us to say to the kids "watch the baby, Mom and Dad are going to lay down for an hour" - H probably does.
My point? I think there are probably multiple issues that have to be addressed. One is certainly the drinking, one is spending some time together instead of watching her smoke and play video games, a third is that she probably experiences some situational depression when the kids are gone and that needs to be addressed, a fourth is identifying what really drives you sexually and becoming a sexual partner in your own marriage. "Passionate Marriage", "The Sex Starved Marriage" and many other books can help. Good luck.
