Quote: Hi Michelle, It has been 4 years going on 5 pretty soon, that I am thinking either to stay or leave.
At times Yes I am starving for sex, I need much more then I am getting. But mostly I am starved to be satisfied. I remember when I was not working for about one year in 2002; I would masturbate during the day and then have sex if I was lucky at night. I have a very high libido and my husband does not. I am 45 and he is 52. I just love sex and I think about it all the time. I am very sex oriented.
Our problem started in 2002 when he started his dysfunctional erection problem. He is taking Viagra, but there is no impulsivity, spontaneity any more and it's killing me. By the way I am French so if I make spelling error please bare with me. I do not want to make this a long letter but in order for you to be able to help me I need to explain it all.
What is his dysfunction, can it be cured. I too had problems because of IBS, imagine your stomach hurting all the time. How much sex would you enjoy.
It's been 16 years we are together, this is a second marriage for both of us. Our kids are grown ups now he has two boys and I have a boy and a girl, my youngest is 19 going to College still living with us, but only on week-ends. My oldest is 24. Do you know how many years I've been waiting for living this life. Being alone all week and just weekends have my daughter. We could make it a special night every night if we wanted to. We could run around the house naked if we wanted to. And my life is really boring when it comes to sex. Other then that, we have a good life together. We respect one another, we communicate all the time etc.
What was life like when you were first married. Can he take testosterone? Some women marry for a father figure and then want a husband, not knowing we don’t change.
We got married in Jamaica in 1998, it was just like a fairy tail.
It's been 16 years we are together, and married in 1998 math don’t add up. Why did you get married if you were roomies for so long.
I was so much in love back then that I did not even look at other men. I have had an Internet affair in 2002 because I felt rejected, because he did not want to make love anymore because of his problem. I was so frustrated that I started to chat with someone and it lead to an affair online. He made me feel alive, wanted, I could sense his desire to have me. We were playing games and teasing I really felt like I was in love all over again. I was going to meet him in 2004 in Montreal QC, but Marc found out about it and I came right back home as soon as I arrive at the hotel, I received his call telling me that he had seen an email from me to the other guy. He was devasted, and me too. So the meeting never took place.
Right up there with stabbing.
I am very young at heart, I am 45 but I look more like 30 or 35 years old. My husband is 52 but thinks that he is old he looks older then he is. He does not like to go out, he does not like dancing, which is my passion, I love music, I love the social life. He thinks we should just go to a restaurant and see a movie and that would be going out and have fun for him.
I love him but I am not in love with him any more. don't know if you understand me here. He does not attract me physically anymore, but sometimes he does but rarely. I am the outgoing one and he never goes out. He is very quiet. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful man, but I feel in prison in this relationship I will pretty soon explode or choke. I want to stay but I need the excitement in my life too.
I wonder, was it like this before 2002, did he go out before? Did he dance before?.
I am living the life I want to maybe live 10 or 15 years from now. he truly loves me, but how do I satisfy my needs. I have to tell him everything how I like him to touch me, and it's getting annoying now.
When I was clueless, I avoided her so she would not think that we would have sex. I did not realize that, it made matters worse. Had I done more loving touches, loving words, and loving deeds. She would have felt so love the sex would have become less important. I did not understand till she was gone. Also I did not speak alien, so when she said to leave the area, I did not know she meant, stay around and fight for me. I literally did a college education in what I did wrong.
So what I am saying is, he has to feel safe making loving gestures. And yes we need lists. I read somewhere that the women need 3 hugs a day, 10 loving touches, and 30 mins of listening.
Check out www.marriagebuilders.com it has good suggestions. Have him read it. Start using the concepts. One I like the best is at night, ask each other what can I do tomorrow to make you feel more loved. Temper it with, JOINT COMPROMISE.
I know that this is wrong but I keep thinking of this other guy all the time. How He loves sex the way I do, how he would make love to me, I sometimes think that I am with this other guy when my husband and I are having sex.
My life is ordinary and I have no satisfying sex life. I think that if there is a chance to have an affair, a real one, I would. I have changed too, because I know how the other man would make love to me and I expect to have it but it's not happening. my husband cannot even enjoy it when I ask him to masturbate in front of me. He cannot enjoy and crave sex to level I can. He is satisfied the way it is. God I wish he did not have this problem.
What is not helping my situation is because I still have contact with this other guy once in a while, about every 3 month, I reopen the door. I know that I have to close this door forever if I want my marriage to work but I am in an impasse here. I have needs that are not met, and it is driving me crazy.
I am with Dr. Phil on this one, until you both can say, we did all we could before you move on.
