Hi Michelle, This is my first Post on this site. I just read your book The Divorce Remedy and got your site address there. It has been 4 years going on 5 pretty soon, that I am thinking either to stay or leave.
At times Yes I am starving for sex, I need much more then i am getting. but mostly I am starved to be satisfied. I remember when I was not working for about one year in 2002, I would masturbate during the day and then have sex if I was lucky at night. I have a very high libido and my husband does not. I am 45 and he is 52. I just love sex and I think about it all the time. I am very sex oriented.
Our problem started in 2002 when he started his disfunctional erection problem. He is taking Viagra, but there is no impulsivity, spontinuity any more and it's killing me. By the way I am french so if I make spelling error please bare with me. I do not want to make this a long letter but in order for you to be able to help me i need to explain it all.
We have an extremely good relationship, I love him and he loves me. We communicate all the time. We talk on how we feel and we went to see a therapist also. The problem is that my husband does not know how to seduce me, how to tease me, how to play to get me aroused. I tell him everything in details what I like what I need but still he does it maybe one time then its right back at square one.
I even wrote a letter to him, i bought games (he does not like games), One more thing, I am sick of the vibrator, but I have no choice. I want to recandle our mariage but He is happy and I am not. He is satisfied and I am not.
It's been 16 years we are together, this is a second marriage for both of us. Our kids are grown ups now he has two boys and I have a boy and a girl, my youngest is 19 going to College still living with us, but only on week-ends. My oldest is 24. Do you know how many years I've been waiting for living this life. Being alone all week and just week-ends have my daughter. We could make it a special night every night if we wanted to. We could run around the house naked if we wanted to. And my life is really boring when it comes to sex. Other then that, we have a good life together. We respect one another, we communicate all the time etc.
We got married in Jamaica in 1998, it was just like a fairy tail. I was so much in love back then that I did not even look at other men. I have had an internet affair in 2002 because I felt rejected, because he did not want to make love anymore because of his problem. I was so frustrated that I started to chat with someone and it lead to an affair online. He made me feel alive, wanted, I could sense his desire to have me. We were playing games and teasing I really felt like I was in love all over again. I was going to meet him in 2004 in Montreal QC, but Marc found out about it and I came right back home as soon as I arrive at the hotel, I received his call telling me that he had seen an email from me to the other guy. He was devasted, and me too. So the meeting never took place.
I am very young at heart, I am 45 but I look more like 30 or 35 years old. My husband is 52 but thinks that he is old he looks older then he is. He does not like to go out, he does not like dancing, which is my passion, I love music, I love the social life. He thinks we should just go to a restaurant and see a movie and that would be going out and have fun for him.
I love him but I am not in love with him any more. don't know if you understand me here. He does not attract me physically anymore, but sometimes he does but rarely. I am the outgoing one and he never goes out. He is very quiet. Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful man, but I feel in prison in this relationship I will pretty soon explode or choke. I want to stay but I need the exitement in my life too. I am living the life I want to maybe live 10 or 15 years from now. he truly loves me, but how do I satisfy my needs. I have to tell him everything how I like him to touch me, and it's getting anoying now. I know that this is wrong but I keep thinking of this other guy all the time. How He loves sex the way I do, How he would make love to me, I sometimes think that I am with this other guy when my husband and I are having sex.
I am seing a therapist at the moment for myself because I was a victim of incest when I was a little girl and there are some things that I need to work on still. We talk about it too, about my husband problem of not being satisfied, and she says that I am normal to feel this way. I think that you get the picture a little on how I feel.
My life is ordinary and I have no satisfying sex life. I think that if there is a chance to have an affair, a real one, I would. I have changed too, because I know how the other man would make love to me and I expect to have it but it's not happening. my husband cannot even enjoy it when I ask him to masturbate in front of me. He cannot enjoy and crave sex to level I can. He is satisfied the way it is. God I wish he did not have this problem.
Please help me. your book is wonderful by the way, but I cannot change who I am and I cannot changed who he is either. Sex is not everything but to me it's way up there on my priority list, not on his even after everything I have told him.
What is not helping my situation is because I still have contact with this other guy once in a while, about every 3 month, I reopen the door. I know that I have to close this door for ever if I want my marriage to work but I am in an impasse here. I have needs that are not met, and it is driving me crazy.
