I first noticed the problem after 2 months into my relationship. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) went from being quite passionate to wanting sex only once every 2-3 weeks (and stopped kissing me altogether). Seven years later that doesn't seem so bad because now we're down to 2-4 times A YEAR and he still doesn't kiss me.
At first I was confused and kept asking him what was wrong, whether it was something I was doing or neglecting to do. He always said it was because he was tired or stressed. I accepted this for some time and told myself to be patient.
But a change in jobs, the removal of stresses, and a move across the country to his dream city changed nothing. As the years(!) went by I became frustrated and terribly angry. I began to nitpick him to death about not picking up after himself, about forgetting things..you name it. I didn't reflect on why I was doing this and never made the connection.
I also became depressed and went into counseling but STILL didn't tie it to his withholding of affection and intimacy. I wonder now why I married him given how unimportant, inferior, unloved, and rejected I've felt all these years. Clearly, my self-esteem had taken a real beating and I didn't think I could do any better. I'm sad at all the time I wasted feeling hurt, rejected, unattracted, and ashamed. I desperately want closeness and physical intimacy. I'm 33 now and can't imagine a life of (near) celibacy. We have a child now (I know the exact date of conception because it was one of the 3 times we had sex that year) so I want this to work out but I don't feel hopeful.
