I have read these posts all day. I really need to be working but I have wrestled with the issue almost my entire marriage. I am only 31 married to a man who is 7-years my senior and became aware of his LD 6-months into our marriage. At first things were great. Even though he worked nights and I worked days, our sex life was great. We did it at least 3-4 times a week and then it just stopped. At first it was because he was so tired, exhausted, fatigued. He took a new job and traveled 80% of the time. He would still give me cards to tell me loved me and thanked me for my patience so I was able to manage. Then that stopped, he was no longer apologetic, it was what it was and I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. Not only would he not touch me anymore but he would refuse my attempts to initiate. My self esteem was so low, yet I was constantly hearing from other men how lucky my husband was to have me and how he must be chasing a beautiful young bride like me around the house. It made me hurt so much! Why did these men who were strangers find me so attractive yet I could not even get my own husband to touch me. It was not just the sex, he did not hold my hand, kiss me, or hug me anymore. Any and all forms of affection were intiated by me and not always reciprocated. When I tried to talk to him about it, he would say he knew it was a problem and even impacted his first marrige-yet almost 4 years later, it has not changed.
When my H found out I was PG, the weirdest thing happened-our sex life improved. But that was short lived, he didn't touch me from the time I was 6-months PG until our baby was about 3 months old. For awhile it was Ok, since the baby my sex drive was lower and I was so tired that his LD didn't bother me.
Now the baby is 18 months old and things are back to normal. I lost not only the baby weight but an extra 5 lbs and am smaller today then I have ever been in my life.
I feel so sexy, I love my new body and get lots of attention from other men-but my H acts as if he doesn't notice. I had a great sex life before we were married with my ex- I even find myself fantasizing about it.I bought some toys to help me manage my drive-but haven't even taken them out of the package. Why do I have to resort to this? Isn't this what I have a husband for? I am angry, hurt, confused, saddened and ashamed.
I hear so many women complain about their H's HSD. I wish I had that problem. I want my marriage to work for our children but I am feeling so lonely. There is no affection at all and when we do have sex it lasts for only a couple of minutes. There is no foreplay, no kissing, no other stimulation than trying to ram it in. I feel no connection with my H, I am depressed all the time. Cry everyday. About 3 momths ago my H got a vasectomy-he told me he thinks it will help him-it has not improved anything.
I think about having an affair all the time. I am so starved for affection and attention that it overwhelms me. I feel like the woman in me is dying but I do not know how to tell my H. I am afraid if I tell him how I feel he will get angry. I know we make a choice to be happy but I didn't choose an empty marriage-he chose it for me.
I hear all the stories about how my H was such a ladies man and a player when he was in college. He even told me that he didn't have it in him anymore because he has sex so much before me. It seems so cold and unfair, he doesn't even care how it makes me feel. I am at a lost and afraid I will turn from my marriage to get love I so desperately need. -V
