Just found this site and I was wondering .. have written the book yet Michelle?
I am another one but the more I think about it the more I feel I am intimacy starved even more then sex starved.
I have a feeling the lack of our love making is just a symptom of his avoidance of intimacy which to me means closeness, deep sharing between two people.
Sex I have finally figured out is not the same thing as making love. ML is something that is on a much more intimate level.
See, even though I very much enjoy "sex", I have been living almost w/o it for years. (once every 1-2 months). I find that if my husband can at least hold me before falling to sleep, sitting with me on the couch while we watch a show, hold my hand when we are out, give me hugs spontaneously etc. I can live completely w/o sex. (Or do my own fulfillment in that area) .
When I get none of that and no sex (which I have falsely used as a replacement for love making) is when we have an issue.
As far as sex goes, when we do have it is is usually fantastic when inhibitions are down (I wake him up in the middle of the night in a special way). I think that this is because we are having sex not making love.
I am a very sexy person, I don't mean to sound vain but I look really good and I know that sexy is also an attitude. My husband is kind of old fashioned but open minded too. I know he loves me dearly but I think it is hard for him to see me as a sexy person and the proper wife he loves at the same time. It makes him uncomfortable when I act even mildly provocative. So we can have really good SEX when he is sleepy or whatever but not in full awareness.
And as for the intimacy concern as far as I know we never "make love". I don't know that we ever did.
So I am just starting to explore this angle but I have a feeling that the inhibitions to get truly close to me on my husbands part are what keeps us from making love and being intimate. And a whole separate issue of him seeing me as wanton if I act sexy keeps us from having sex!
We have discussed it but as a SEX issue. We have never gotten anything out of discussing it but hurt feelings and lame excuses.
It is only recently that I have realized it is more then that. I just explained my feelings about the intimacy to him and he says he understands and we are going to make things better so I will keep you updated.
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