Hi Michelle. I am a HD 26 year old woman. I have been with my 39 year old LD fianceefor almost two years. I read your book this week in desperation ( I found the book at my local library ). My guy (not sure how to address him) and I have been struggling with this issue since the fourth month after we started dating. Our sex life went from about 5 days a week in the honeymoon period to once a week, and now we average 1 to 2 times a month.
I read your book and I don't see a magic solution in it for us. Our relationship is great except for this problem. I generally don't have any self-esteem issues, but as a result of feeling rejected by the one I love I am acquiring new things to loath myself about on a regular basis. I can't understand why if "everything" is going great in our relationship, how come my guy isn't interested in me sexually. I am not unattractive. In all honesty I have to fight men off all the time. I work in the casino gaming industry and men make advances towards me nightly. I don't want the attention of other men, I want the attention of the one I love and adore. I don't know what else to do. We've had major fights over this on many occasions. I have threatened to leave him over this because I don't know what else to do.
My fiance started reading the Sex Starved Marriage with me (I finished it, he's a third done) and I see it as a great first step and a sign that he cares about this issue. He said that the book has made him realize how serious the issue is. He finally acknowledged how I feel (rejected, worthless, unattractive, weepy,..) after reading other women feel the same way in the book. I replied, "I've been telling you this for almost two years!," (not angrily). He replied, "it hit home when I read it in a big book." I also told my fiancee that I'm an affair waiting to happen and I think that woke him up a bit.
However, my fiancee just isn't a sexual person (he says). I always initiate sex and I do most if not all of the work. I give oral, he hasn't reciprocated in over a year. All his organs work fine. I asked him to get his testosterone checked. He agreed to go but hasn't scheduled an appointment.
So, I realize that since he is reading the book and has agreed to work on the problem (rather than blaming it on how busy I am--I told him I always have time for him and will drop anything for a romp) we're moving in the right direction. The wheels of change have started to move but I'm not sure if the problem can be resolved. I don't feel that confidant after reading at the end of the book that change does not always occur. We went to bed last night and I was really hoping to ML and he asked me "Wanna mess around tomorrow night?" In a way I felt rejected but on the other hand he was tired and at least was making some effort. I replied, "I guess so," and he got a little defensive and I explained that I didn't want to put pressure on him and make him feel obligated if I excitedly said yes. Anyway, I have come to this board out of desperation and I hope to gain some insight but sharing with all of you.
