Hello Michele,

I don’t know if this forum is a place for me because I’m not married yet, but I am going through the same experiences now in my current relationship. We have been living together in our new home for six months and I’m already “sex starved.” We have been together for two years and this October will be a year we’re engaged, and getting married this May.

I am always the one to initiate sex and the only time it’s good is when I take full control and I feel nothing coming from him. I feel so empty. When he initiates it’s brief and then he stops and waits for me to do the rest. I think he focuses more on his performance to please me than on the emotions that will un-zipper that special place in a woman’s heart.

We have been working with a therapist for the past year and we got nowhere. During our sessions, an acceptance, a compatibility and identity issue came up. This really has confused me even more. My own therapist said, “Maybe he needs someone that does not require the intense passion you crave.” This sent me over the edge and we both stop going to therapy.

We have talked about it and we’re both aware. The only thing I was able to get out of him was that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, that he is afraid of me and that he is always tired. Meanwhile, I’m feeling like crap. I don’t see his desire shining through his eyes anymore and the heat that once came from his soul when we first met.

My fear is that this is going to continue after we get married. I’m already feeling my powerful passion that has always motivated me to do anything in this world is dwindling. I don’t know if I should leave, end the engagement, or is there any hope for us.

I’m going to purchase your book The Sex Staved Marriage. Hope to chat soon.

"Fear can move a soul into taking responsibility or live by default in fear."