Omg I can't believe I actually found a place where I fit in. We've been married for 26 yrs and H has never had much of a sex drive. In fact when we were first going out I often felt like I forced him into having sex. If I didn't initiate, it wasn't going to happen. He had the same problem in his first marriage that lasted about 6 yrs. First W had an affair and that took care of the marriage. It never sat well with me not having a loving physical marriage, but he's a good, decent man and is so good to me. It was easy to overlook. But we've had zippo sex the past 10 years...until we read SSM. It's improved a little, but for my liking has a long way to go. I'm feeling crushed at the moment. We celebrated our 26th a couple of weeks ago. Was great...actually made love twice in three days! But nothing has happened since then. He left for a trade-show this week and I was hoping for some closeness before he left, but to no avail. How can he leave town like that without a little togetherness...esp after it seemed like things were improving. I'm at a loss and don't know what to do or say about it.
Here's part of the dilemma. About a year ago this time he started talking an awful lot about a new woman in his department. He's done that before, but this one made me feel suspicious. It went on for about 6 weeks and I said nothing. Then it just stopped. Some 2 months later he mentioned she was a lesbian. About a month after that I found her home/cell numbers in his wallet...on one of those yellow sticky thingys. When I asked him about it he was calm and couldn't understand why it was in his wallet. Says it was on his desk and the numbers were to be entered into his rollodex on his desk. He's the head of his department and keeps all his "group's" numbers in case he needs to contact them. I felt suspicious about it anyway. I was feeling like he had become distant and wasn't very attentive towards me...like he was preoccupied. To cut to the chase...we've argued about it alot. I've accused him of having an affair with the so-called lesbian. He vehemently denies any such thing. I found her cell number in his cell phone. While he does have several co-workers numbers in his cell...her's is the only female number and the only co-worker from his immediate group at work.
Maybe it's just me. I've been having huge difficulties with peri-menopause the last year that have caused me to become very paranoid and irrational at times, which is highly unusual for me. He is always home with me after-hours and weekends. I'm not sure if any woman would settle for a work-day affair only. And being lesbian means nothing to me. I worked for a lesbian doctor and she and her buddies all routinely had affairs and relationships with men...so being lesbian doesn't mean safe...it's just a convenient excuse if a man's going to hide an affair.
Lord listen to me. What a mess. Then I try to convince myself that there's no way my H would have an affair because he's never been physical, not even at the beginning, so why would he start now...with a lesbian?
Anyhow, getting back to the LDH and over-sexed W who'd love to have sex several times a week. When is this book coming out? I need some help.
