Our relationship has been strained for about 8 of our 9 years of marriage. I considered leaving him many times. I made up my mind to leave then I became pg with our last child. We have had good sex a few times during our marriage, but mostly he has been impotent, and I have had to "work" very hard to help overcome his erection difficulties. When I don't give the 110% effort, it just doesn't happen. I just got tired of trying. He has a chip on his shoulder because of his problem - an inferiority complex, perhaps. He blames me for all that is wrong, always. He is a good person, a good dad, he doesn't go out drinking, chasing skirts, all he does is work. Its his way of not dealing with it. He says he's just too tired - that worked for a while, I believed his work made him too tired to give any effort. But after years of it, I just felt sad, rejected, undesireable and tired of trying, tired of being blamed.
I've expressed my unhappiness to my dh. I told him that I wanted to separate. He has been to see a Doctor about his dysfunction, to fix the problem, if it is physical. He has had all the lab work done, awaiting results. He swears that he will fix the problem, but it is far more now than just lack of sex. My wounds are deeper than that.
I know having an affair does not make anything right. But confessing it will make everything worse. I love my lover, but I have for all these years. I love my husband, too, but I have lost the tenderness and desire I once had for him, after being rejected so many times. It just seems like "too little, too late".
