Michelle, I think it is AWESOME that you are writing a book about sex starved wives!! I will be buying that book for sure. I know as a woman who has a husband with a low sex drive I feel so alone. Often times I think what is wrong with him. Men aren't supposed to be wired this way. They are the dominant ones, the sex maniacs. So when you have a husband with no drive or at least I know I think this way....what is wrong, could he be gay, he is so weird. I feel like with all the normal men you hear about how in the world did I find one like this. Here is my story.... We have been married for 10 years. For 8 of those years I have noticed his drive lessening. I noticed that after the birth of our second child his drive was low and he hardly ever initiated sex. For one year I would ask him what was wrong. One night I begged for an answer and he told me it was because I gained weight with having our children and he just wasn't as attracted. I was so hurt just devastated. Hearing this just depressed me more. However things continued the same and then a few years later I lost all the weight which was a total weight loss of 52 pounds and I am now in a size 3. I will add my husband also gained about 25 pounds and lost muscle mass and his hair has been thinning. I mention this because it angers me that I worked so hard to lose weight and it made no difference in his desire. But the anger part came in that he judged me so harshly that night and held this over my head as an excuse when he had weight on himself. So now I am thin and still get no sex and he is still overweight. All in all his weight don't bother me really. The only reason it bothers me is he is not as active which is unhealthy. The thing that really upsets me is my husband masturbates more then we have sex. We average having sex maybe once every two weeks. I would be happy with twice a week. More would be nice but I could be happy with twice. I could be lying next to him and he has gotten up and masturbated. We have been home alone and he has gotten up and masturbated. I drop the kid's off at school and am home shortly to our house that we have all alone. And he has masturbated in that short time I was away. So I think how can he prefer his male hand to the feeling of a woman. Which is the thought of oh no could could he be gay. Another interesting fact about my husband is back in his day he was known as quite the player. He has been with many women before me. So I never could have thought sex would ever be a problem. He was married before me and that was one of the two long term relationships he had ever been in. His first engagement to this girl it is known she cheated on him. His ex wife also cheated on him and told people that he didn't sexually satisfy her and that is why she cheated. I didn't hear about this until after we were married. I was married before and my ex and I averaged sex 4 times a week and were married for five years. One day I toild my husband I have probably had sex way more then him even though he was a player because of my long term relationship with good sex. He got really angry and defensive about this and said yeah right. It has been 5 weeks since we had sex. We attempted to weeks ago but he couldn't even get an erection. He is only 39 and I am 33. So right now he is avoiding sex at all costs. He will not talk about it either. He mentioned through tears he thought it was time to see a doctor. But of course that was weeks ago and he has made no effort to make an appointment and is just avoiding sex. I feel as if I am on the verge of an affair. I am so hungry for the feel of a man. This has made me feel so low, undesired, ugly, not wanted, hurt, unloved and humilated. I have asked him to separate but he won't go. Everything I say he ignores.
