I agree about the sucking-off-your-hip business, I think many guys just want a mommy, not a wife. As long as the goodies are forthcoming (lots of giving from you to them) everything is OK. The minute you point out the lack of balance in the exchange, and agitate for a bit more interpersonal balance, they lose interest and feel put upon. I noticed this when dating around after I had my kids and was separated from my last husband (a verbally abusive workaholic, thought I'd solve my problems by marrying the opposite kind of guy, HA HA HA): when I was younger, men really enjoyed my body. After I had kids and was a bit older and didn't look as magazine-worthy anymore, the dynamic really switched - they just wanted to be gotten off, 'serviced', and didn't want to spend any time petting ME up. It was a real switcheroo. It's not just this guy, this is something I noticed while dating around. Older bodies don't do it for guys when they are surrounded by perfect airbrushed media images. I don't think there is much hope for a good sex life after you have kids unless you find a really special and realistic guy who doesn't care that you aren't perfect and finds you sexy in broad daylight or in sweatpants anyway. I know they are out there. I have a friend or two with a guy like that. One of them doesn't even have to shave her legs for her guy, bless him, and she wears spectacles, is heavy and no makeup! He must be really rare. Don't think we women can't see it in men's eyes, how much difference our looks make. It counts with men. It gets to be more and more work to get any sort of interest out of them. Push-up bras, new shirts, diff. makeup or fragrance or hairstyle, Brazilian wax, blah blah, it's never-ending, the struggle, the ante is always being upped for women and their darned appearance. Enough so that I have lost interest in getting another guy if I don't manage to somehow emotionally deal with the void I have in this relationship (the fact of having a mate who feels like just another kid, a teen in my basement who is not even related to me). I have better things to do in life than to run on this absurd Jetson treadmill just to make sure I protect my "investment" in some guy so he won't run off with the bikini babes he fantasizes about. My god, what a quality of life. (snort) Thanks for letting me vent. I confess I have not come up with any sort of solution for myself and I see a lot of similar stuff on this forum.
