This is a great subject. There are some unique characteristics to a SSM where the wife is the higher drive spouse. Mostly, these have to do with social expectations and what is considered ‘normal’.
My H and I have been together for over 16 years, married for 8. We are both 34. For the first few years, he was the HD partner. For various reasons, I was inhibited and a little shy and he pursued me aggressively. When I was finally ready to meet him sexually, he seemed to have lost interest. It first became apparent long before we got married, but I didn’t realize how deep the problem went until later. We would typically go a couple of months before I would have a meltdown and express my unhappiness to him. We had many long discussions, without any resolution. He would try briefly, then fall into his old ways. We have and had a fairly happy, affectionate marriage otherwise. Or so I thought! As we started working on the sexual relationship, other things have come to light…notably fundamental issues of respect and trust.
Some of the negative feelings I experienced in the old days included: Self-doubt Anger Sadness Fear due to lack of understanding Envy Feeling of being trapped Feeling of being crushed Self-pity…why me?
We have come a long way now. But things were pretty ugly for a long time. We both felt unloved and unhappy and didn’t know what to do.
