OK, I'll go out on a limb here.

HP, I can see how pressure and the need to bring the tools can cause the tools to not be there. Now that W and I have stepped up the frequency, I've been finding that the instant erection is no longer a fact of life unless it has been a while. If I sense a lack of interest on her part, willie goes to nillie and it takes a large show of interest to get even a small rise. Kinda leaves me questioning my manhood a bit, is rather embarrassing, and I worry that it may be interpreted as her not being able to turn me on. really kind of sucks to feel horny, but when it comes to show time having nothing to show for it I guess I can sort of see your point, especially if a fear of not rising to the occasion makes it true all the time.

SD, I agree with you, provided S is willing to engage in other than just IC in the LM. In a case where LM is strictly IC, ie. no oral, no toys, etc, the repertoire is so limited that without an erection there is little that is possible beyond cuddling and maybe a HJ without any lubricants (if you see it differently, please educate me).