I see intimacy as being part and parcel with empathy. I don’t think you have to share everything, but you have to be able to share anything you want to. If there’s something that truly humiliates me, for example, I don’t want to even think about it myself, so I wouldn’t share it with someone else – just for the sake of intimacy.
If you think you can say anything, and your partner will empathize with you, you don’t need to bare it all.
When, for whatever reason, empathy is eroded, intimacy is close behind. And if the empathy goes, it gets replaced by fear of rejection. Paranoia sets in, which further erodes intimacy.
Once you’re in a state where you can’t trust each other to empathize with you, it’s hard to get it back. Both people have to work at it. If one of you is afraid of being judged, the other can get the ball rolling by being non-judgemental, and hopefully the other will start feeling safer, but it’s an uphill battle.
And intimacy is in the eye of the beholder. I’m so sorry you don’t feel your H is your friend or your lover. He may feel that he is. He may have a different outlook towards intimacy. But that doesn’t help you to empathize with him, does it?
