I know that everyone thinks and feels differently. I can understand and respect that. I guess that's where him understanding me, and me understanding him comes in. I know I shouldn't be thinking "If he loved me..or....If he cared about my feelings......" but to think along the lines of "I know he wouldn't want to hurt me"....well I am sorry to say that I am not quite there yet. H has lied to me a lot throughout our years together. Even times when he swore up and down he was being 100% honest, he wasn't. So, it's hard to just shift gears and believe now that he is being real. He has shared more with me in recent weeks then he has over the course of our marriage, but building up trust will still take time.
It's like him throwing away the other cd's without telling me. Part of me is glad he did it, the other part wonders why he didn't tell me about them when he had the opportunity. So, I stuggle with wondering how he has been completely honest. If he was, then he would have told me when I asked him. I know it is a little matter, but that has been pretty much par for the course with us. He always lied about the small things.
Ugh, I don't know what happened. I went from being so happy that this was happening, to doubting this entire thing. I am feeling worse about the situation now then I ever have. I guess I just have low tolerance for problems with us. I know that isn't going to help. It will only hurt us.
Another thing, I think that my attitude is pretty much "I can live with him, or without him" at this point. I am trying to figure out how much it has to do with my tolerance level. Penngirl
