Hi Penngirl. I think what you said makes sense. It's normal for you to be anxious over the differences in what you want and what your H thinks. They key here is not to let these differences derail or upset you in any way. For example, about the Cd issue, maybe a simple 'H, I appreciate that you threw away the Cd and the letter to OW. That means a lot to me. I also want to let you know that because this is such a sensitive issue with me right now, I need you to destroy the copy on your PC too. I appreciate you understanding that I don't want anything around here that reminds me of her.' You can say this calmly and without being upset at him, because he justs needs you to make it clear to him. Also, I've learned that a lot of guys are short sighted on details. He may not even realize that he has it or that it bothers you.
You are right that your R will take time to repair. Have you considered any therapy? There is a website www.retrouvaille.org, that is for couples to rediscover themselves. I'm going to ask my H to attend with me, but I'm going to wait another month or so before I ask. Also, there is a book 'Fighting for Your Marriage' by Howard Markman, et al, and it sounds good for couples to do together. I've just started it, but it sounds good. The point is, you know that you need help learning new ways to interact with each other and there is a lot of help out there if you look.
