Thanks Tag*******sending some magic dust your way *********
Unsure- thanks for the reminder. This is about me. As for knowing what I want from him, I guess that's what taking it slow is about. We had a talk today about it. I told him that I thought it unfair to me that his heart not be 100% for me, that I deserved better. (ofcourse he says he is pretty much over her, it's a thing of the past) True that I have my ex-bf that I have feelings for, but I did not leave the marriage for him. I guess what I want is what I had in my R with my ex-bf...to feel like aside from the children, I was number one. I never had to ask if I was truly loved, I could feel it and I could hear it in his voice. I felt like in his eyes, there was no other woman in this world. I gave that up to work on this marriage and ended up feeling like I was second best, second choice or just plain not good enough. It is doing a tune on my self esteem. To hear these words hurt my H. Naturally, he told me he loved me, he wanted to be with me, that I was the first woman that he ever loved with his whole heart and I will be the last. But he was hurt that he felt like second best to my ex-bf because he can't make me feel as good. H feels like he is trying hard to show me he loves me and it's for real, but he thinks he isn't going to ever be able to make me happy or feel the way that my ex-bf did.
I know I have to fast track a way out of this current mindset or this is doomed to fail. "Acting as if" isn't as easy as it once was.
Thanks for being here for me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this place to vent my feelings and get good feedback.
