Hi Unsure! Thanks for asking about me. I have been lurking, but haven't been posting much. I was going to post today.
Things are going ok I suppose. My H seems to be into this full swing. The problem is me. I seem to be having some "down times". I am ok one minute, and deeply depressed the next. I get stuck in a rut of negative thinking, and the hurt from the A comes back. Then I start doubting his intentions, his trustworthiness and his faithfulness to me. This, in turn, makes me feel bad about myself. Since I wasn't good enough, sexy enough, etc. the first time around, what makes me think I am any better now? Then I start feeling bad about me. All in all just one big pity party going on with me. It really stinks to be this way. I have tried thought stopping but it doesn't seem to be working.
H keeps saying how happy he is with his home life. That I am now the person that he always needed me to be for him. And I think to myself "Well, that's great...you are getting what you need out of me and this M, but what about what I need?" Since our reconciliation, I have yet to ask him for a thing. I haven't told him what I need from him. Truth is, I don't know what I need or want from this. How can that be? How can someone who thinks they know themselves so well not be able to figure out what they want out of a M? Then I wonder if just maybe I am not investing 100% of myself into this. That I am keeping up my walls and keeping a safe distance from the emotions of this whole thing.
I dont know....the rantings of a madwoman today. Unsure...lol...I bet you are sorry you asked how I was now!!! So, that's whats going on here. Very low PMA. Getting lower by the day.
