Thank you GD1 and Livenlearn. As far as being honest as to why the marriage fell apart in the first place has been addressed for the last year.
We married young. Right from the beginning there were communication issues between us. Over the years, we went through a lot together. We both got to the point where we were frustrated with the marriage, and not getting what we needed from it. We always discussed our needs, but it was a contest to see who was going to "change" first. Ofcourse, neither one of us ever did a thing about trying to meet the other one's needs. So, over the years (with the help of b ad communication) the feelings of frustration, anger, resentment and unhappiness grew very strong. My stbx(?) needed to feel wanted, loved and needed. I did none of those things for him. I needed to feel loved, appreciated and understood. He did none of those things for me. If one of us said we weren't happy, the other one had the "Oh well" attitude. Our sex life suffered greatly because of all our issues, it was almost non-existent. Affection was a thing of the past at that point. We literally sat on different couches and slept on opposite sides of the bed.
For him, the OW was able to make him feel all the things he needed from me in out marriage.
So now, we both agree, that if one of us has a problem it is something that needs to be paid attention to. Everything else stops until that issue is discussed and solved. As for the counseling, I agree that it is a good idea at this point.
Last night, we had an issue that ended in hurt feelings. He asked if I was going to stop the D. I told him that I was supposed to bring a letter to the lawyer yesterday if I wanted it stopped. I told him that I didn't because he kept saying that it is in my best financial interest that I let it go through. He was hurt and said "I also said that I wanted to stay married you more then anything so you are basically saying that buying property is more important then staying married to me." That isn't the case. It isn't more important to me and I told him that. I told him there was a misunderstanding because he stressed that fact, I thought that was what he was saying for me to do, but not that he wanted me to do that. I really didn't know what to say. I knew that I had hurt him and that my actions (or lack thereof) sent him a big message. We are two weeks away from our anniversary. Would I want to give that up just to start over from step 1???
Gd1- as for "bursting that bubble" I know exactly what you are talking about. Sometimes, that is exactly how I feel. Thanks for sharing your story.
All in all, right now it's baby steps for us with this whole thing. The issue of the D is now a black cloud hanging over our heads. I don't know what I am going to do about that yet.
