Thanks for the reply NY Survivor. I have heard of that book, I guess I will have to check it out.
Are you asking how the reconciliation happened? Well, basically, I accepted, forgave and moved on with my life. My ex saw the positive changes in me when I was able to find my own happiness and live a full life, and remembered why he fell in love with me. I, on the other hand, had moved on to a relationship with a great guy. Things were going good with us, we were talking possible marriage. (my divorce was supposed to be final 8/2004, just found out it never finalized) Over the last few months leading into Christmas the "atmosphere" between my ex and me changed. He was lingering when it was time to drop off the kids. He would come to my house and make dinner for me and the kids while I was working, have coffee ready for me, things like that. Then on Christmas Eve. he came over to help me with the kids gifts. He bought me a bottle of my favorite wine and a beautiful card. We set up the gifts, and he asked what was going on between us. I told him I didn' know. For the first time ever, we sat there and discussed our feelings. At that point, we both knew there was still love between us and we wanted to explore that. We kissed, we hugged and it just felt so good and so right. We have basically been together since. I had to make the difficult decision of ending it with my boyfriend to try and repair our marriage. I really regret having hurt him and his son.
So, up to this point, things seem good. He says he is happy, he loves me, he feels happy to be home. I am happy, and I love him, but I am nonetheless insecure about this whole thing. I knew going into this that it wasn't going to be easy.
Finding out yesterday that our D was never final was difficult. I told him that he could sign the papers today and it would be done with today, or that if he didn't sign them it would be another month. He said that he wants to be married to me, he won't sign because he doesn't want the divorce. He also realizes that it is in my best financial interest to go through with the divorce. My credit survived this whole thing, his didn't. I am trying to buy investment property and can't if we are married with his debt. He told me that he is leaving it up to me, since I am the only one who can stop it because I am the plaintiff. He says he doesn't want me to have to suffer anymore for his mistake, so he understands if I go through with it. He also said that whether or not I stopped it, he is putting his wedding ring back on and considers us married.
So now, I almost feel like I am going through it all over again. Only this time, we are together. I still feel a sense of loss because atleast for the next month, he is my husband and not my ex. I am torn as to whether or not to stop it. I think that in the long run, it will be for my own good to get it over with. Then I can't question his reasons for getting back together with me. If we ever do remarry, I know it's for me and not financial security. I hope that makes sense.
So, yes, it is a rocky road. There are a lot of things going on. I am having difficulty tying in all the things I got out of the DB books to make this work. I read them both, and I believe they are the reason I am the person I am today. I think the changes I made are permanent, and I prove that to myself everyday with the 180's I continue to see as I handle what life throws me. I guess I just hope it's enough.
I am just rambling now....but it feels good to get it out. Thanks for bearing with me if you read this far!
