[sage]

Frankly,

Ouch! Don't beat yourself up so much! It's far easier to read other people's posts and see possible foibles than it is to identify them in the heat of the moment in our sitch.

Who knows if you did a good/bad thing or not? For sure, ultimatums aren't terrifically effective tools (for the most part) but water = under the bridge.

Here's my 2 cents (no enormously insightful comments here...)... reread DR, practice the 24 hour rule, read some threads here in Piecing to see how many of us have gone through similar bouts of limbo combined with impatience, ,
cut yourself some slack and do the same for w. Listen, listen, listen.

Sage