[sage]

James

Thanks for the input. Everything helps. In answer to your question.
The issue of initiating sex had been a charged situation in our marriage lately. All that she had said was that she was nervous about initiating, nothing as to why she was feeling that way. Afterwards, I asked "Tell me about why you were nervous". She said that she gets nervous, intiating. That taking that kind of risk makes her nervous. I told her that I get nervous about initiating too, and that I could understand as well, it was just as much of a risk for me to try and intiate.

She got angry with me, saying that she didn't want to talk about it, and never really did. That I should have just taken her answer to be the end of the conversation and realize that she didn't want to discuss it. I responded that I wasn't trying to discuss it, I just wanted her to know that I understood, and that we were in this together. All I was trying to do is share my similar feelings. If she didn't want to discuss it, that's all she would have had to say. I thought she had a concern, and I wanted to try and be understanding. It kind of went on from there.

Frankly...I read a book some months ago (what was it? Maybe the "Lost art of listening"?) that suggested that while we often think "yah, I feel that way too" is validating and supportive, it can often come across as the opposite. IOW, isn't it possible that your w was trying to share with you how she was feeling and she ended up feeling invalidated or even shut off? Perhaps she interpreted your "yes, me too" as "we've all got worries, tell me something I don't know". Do you know what I mean? I'm struggling to communicate here

Sage