Thanks for the input. Everything helps. In answer to your question. The issue of initiating sex had been a charged situation in our marriage lately. All that she had said was that she was nervous about initiating, nothing as to why she was feeling that way. Afterwards, I asked "Tell me about why you were nervous". She said that she gets nervous, intiating. That taking that kind of risk makes her nervous. I told her that I get nervous about initiating too, and that I could understand as well, it was just as much of a risk for me to try and intiate.
She got angry with me, saying that she didn't want to talk about it, and never really did. That I should have just taken her answer to be the end of the conversation and realize that she didn't want to discuss it. I responded that I wasn't trying to discuss it, I just wanted her to know that I understood, and that we were in this together. All I was trying to do is share my similar feelings. If she didn't want to discuss it, that's all she would have had to say. I thought she had a concern, and I wanted to try and be understanding. It kind of went on from there.
Now hindsight it a wonderful thing, I know that there were a probably a thousand different things I could/should have done different. But there is also sometimes moments or opportunities that distill in a few seconds the essence of a problem. Trust me, this was one of those moments. It was a prime example of what I had been receiving from my wife over the past few months, and what I had come to realize, I was no longer willing to live with.
I realized that I may have stumbled here. But what are you supposed to do, when you "Ask for what you want…", your spouse agrees, over and over, and then nothing happens? If she is not willing to, or is unable to try … then fine. I won't hold it against her. Have enough respect for yourself and me, to say "I can't…, I am sorry" instead of "I will…" and then fail to come through.
Thats the basic idea of my declaration. I love her, but I want us both to be happy. She deserves better than what is happening, and I sure do too.
No threats, no ultimatums (per se'). Just asking for what I want, what I need, and letting her know I want a relationship, and a partner who is going to do the same for me, and then work with me to achieve it.
