Thanks for the perspective, and words. My wife read 5LL (although pre-sep) as have I (along with a boat load of other R type books). She is not one to discuss much about the relationship. Doesn't like to stir things up. Also not much of a self-help book reader. In general likes to avoid having to deal with "stuff". The no R talk part of DBing feeds that part of her, all to well. "He's not talking about the relationship, so I don't have to either" so nothing gets talked about, except in the therapists office, once every 3 weeks.
Time to toot my own horn a bit. I have been busting my *** trying to do everything right. My W even admits that I have been doing "all the right things" but to no effect. I know I still do things that "don't help" occasionally, but in general I work hard everyday to try and be positive, supportive, and give/show love and appreciation. She says her LL is WOA, and I work on this everyday, but it doesn't seem to have any affect. For the record thats what her EA was based on, so I know it works, just not from me. She is really not putting much thought or effort into understanding, let alone, fullfilling my needs right now. She knows what they are, but they/I just don't show up on her emotional radar. We are friends, more like platonic friends.
I understand this is a normal part of the process. But how long does this "phase" last? I'm worried we might loose momentum, if we stay in this place too long. How have others move beyond this phase, and what did you do that worked?
