Well things have been going ok. W and I have had a couple of counseling sessions, the first a get-to-know ya, and the second we finally started to discuss things. I have to admit, that I have been struggling with the whole staying positive/focus on the good thing. I realize that a couple of months ago I would have crawled across broken glass to be where I am at now. But damn its hard not to want more, and yet be grateful for what you have now.
During the session, W talked about how I am too needy right now, and that she feels that sometimes I smother her, (needing physical affection). Its a dynamic that is very present in our relationship (she withdraws, I pursue). It was that way with our communication, but I have changed that. But I think I may have just substituted one for the other. I have to try and give her space, but I get so lonely sometimes. I also pointed out, that hey, you and your EA with another man, might have something to do with me feeling this way, remember? I promised to try and relax, but that she could start throwing me a bone (hugs, small things) and cut me a little slack too. We'll see where this goes. But I am trying to keep my promise.
Valentines day came and went. We had spent the weekend doing "Couple" type things (went to a dance, bowling with friends) but on monday, I made a valentine and brought home sushi (her personal fav.) My wife?…did nothing. I "Acted as if…" and we went on to have a good evening. Getting stiffed didn't seem to bother me at the time, but lately it has started to bug me. If she had still been in the "Other Relationship" I know she would have celebrated the day somehow. I have a hard time not "personalizing" this.
We have our 11th anniversary coming up, and it makes me unsure of what to do. I am tempted to not do anything, and see if she decides its worth celebrating. It could really backfire on me though. I don't know what to do.
My W is going through a major mid-30's MLC+recovering from and EA, and she is really changing. As a result, she is changing alot of things about herself, that do have an impact on our relationship. She has left our faith, taken on a new, more demanding job, changed several personal habits, and now is taking a promotion that has the potential to further her career, but could also put more strain on our relationship. It made me start to wonder, How can I be supportive of her personal growth and changes, and not be concerned that these changes appear to be taking us farther apart? Growth and change is part of every marriage, but sometimes you compromise, or make different choices, for the benefit of the relationship.
I am concerned that these changes, although not out-right deal breakers, are only setting us on a course that eventually will result in a very wide gulf between us. One that will be to large (and too late) to overcome. Is this the beginning of the end for us? How do I reach to my wife and let her know I believe in her and want her to be happy, but I am worried that are not working at being closer, but growing farther apart?
