In the first days of coming home, I tried to support my wife through her grief and withdrawl. Kinda sick I know. But I also wanted to just let her know that she could talk to me, that I would listen, no matter what. I didn't want to shut down this attempt at communication and I needed to prove to her that she could trust me enough to open up to me. At times, the things that have come out feel like a 100lb stones on my heart.
How long did the mourning phase last in your case? I know there are no set time limits, but what has been your experience or information on that? Did you ever feel like a concilation prize? How did you not let those details derail you or get you down? Did your husbands EA/PA end on its own, or did you discover it, and demand it end?
One of the hardest things for my wife (and me) is knowing that her A didn't really "end" on its own. They didn't fall out of love, or out grow one another. The OM is still there, still loves her, and would take her back in an instant. He totally left the door open for her, the "I will always love you and be here for you if…" speech. For my wife its like having booze in the house, and trying to stay sober. He's only a phone call or an email away.
We are both trying to build new, good memories and experiences, while trying to avoid familiar, trap ladden ways of relating to one another. We are reconnecting with one another, and are kind of in that "Honeymoon" phase. But I can already start to feel somethings are beginning to shift.
