Zooland Revisited

[Zoo]

Ya know...I keep avoiding the issue that brought me back here...i think I may be afraid of going off on a rant that will make absolutely no sense, sound petty and then i'll end up feeling really idiotic

I still have problems ALLOWING myself to express anger. Tonight that really came home when H threw one of his temper tantrums. He pulled his usual PA defensive stunt and I of course started defending my responses as is my want. Then he got really pissy and hung up on me...

I put on the brakes and said WHOA! I AM NOT going to be apologetic and bow down this time! I'm tired of it and frankly...I don't like myself very much when I do it.

So I did a 180 and I emailed him.

I dont' do this as a norm. I have tried it a couple of times in the past and never even received a response back so I just wrote it off as "something not to do". I was angry enough to say to hell with it though.

I told him if he wanted to be rude that was fine. I did NOT ask for the information he gave me but he made an ASSUMPTION and acted upon it anyway. I told him my primary purpose in wanting to get ahold of him was to have him pick something up for me at the store and I would appreciate him doing so. I signed it with nothing more then my initial.

When he came home for supper the first thing he did was apologise to me and told me he wasn't mad at ME but at something that happened at work. My only reply was " I have no idea what is going on at work. You didnt tell me and I no longer ask because you don't like it when I do". he then told me what was going on and everything was ok afterward.

I feel good about myself now too

I had the sad priviledge of lending my DR book to a friend this week It is a young guy that H likes a great deal and has been trying to help (he got him his job and they talk alot). J called this weekend totally disillusioned. He and his W signed the mortgage on their new home this past Fri and then she asked him for a D on Sat She informed him there was "someone else" and that she no longer loved him He knows about H and I's past problems so he turned to us for advice. I felt kind of awkward at first because I had no idea what H was giving him for advice and I didn't want us to be on opposite sides of the fence. It surprised me when H said he was telling J not to give up and that thing could be worked out. H told me he thought it would be a good idea to lend J my book...he even told J that some of the stuff would seem kind of hokey at first but that it had good stuff in it and it DID work I am trying to help J get on the good db track and he calls me several times a day. He still isnt sure of it but he is at least reading DR and trying to put some of my advice to work. Of course, he thinks right now that what is being suggested is going to just push her further away and make her think a D is something he is ok with J has at least gotten his W to agree to see a counselor with him (hopefully she won't bail) and he is going to move back into his house to keep an eye on his kids (he went to the house the other night and found an 11 yr old taking care of his two kids and 3 others with no idea when the adults would be back , he took the kids back to his moms with him after that) . I have watched the kids for him when he needed to run errands. It is all so sad Unfortunately he doesnt have a computer so he can get on the BB so I may end up posting some questions for him. I am wondering if it might be a good idea for me to post his queries in Newcomers and then print the replies out for him so he gets more input than just what I give him? The general mentality around the whole town is that divorce solves ALL marital problems

TTFN
Zoo