Arrgggh! I had this whole long thing typed out and I lost it...WHY does this always happen???

Pretty uneventful and boring weekend really. H spent most of the time stuck in HAM radio land LOL. Ya know, I like the stuff too but there is only so much I can take...then I start dreaming about circuit boards and electronic equations and all kinds of crazy stuff. Same thign use to happen to me when I worked on electronics all of the time...probably part of the reason I got out of the field (technicolor dreams of ohms sliding down transistor slides, jumping over these HUGE transformer conyons....*shudder* ). Oh well, it is a hole new area to H...something he has never delved into before so i guess i should be glad he is occupied by something. Me...I have my chickens and their inherent frustrations (have some chicks hatching out the middle of this week and next if all goes well )

We have actually been able to talk about small emotional things lately...kinda surprises me. Guess H got a lot of minor frustrations out while he was packing sandbags...it has been a while since i have seen him that happy to be home and around me so much SOme of it may also come from his finding one of his half sisters (H is adopted but...a whole weird situation that is currently being unraveled) and delving into the whole family history thing. I am learning things along the way that he has never told me about. A lot of things that he never really thought of as important or significant are now turning out to be...it is kind of like watching a flower unfold and seeing each layer of petals as it happens. I really want to believe that only good can come out of this...I am hoping that holds true.

My anger waxes and wanes as usual. I seem to be on the down side of it here lately. I still have a day here and there but it isn't EVERY day like it was. Perhaps H's sandbag duty help that as well...his being away and all?? A lot of it centers around where he works at. NOt a day goes by that I wish he wouldn't have to go back. That place wears on him and pulls him down. He doesn't see it beyond being tired all of the time. I have mentioned the way he acts while he is working at the plant...not being a pain in the ass about it...just metioning that I have noticed that it tends to put him in a bad mood. I have stopped trying to talk to him about his work It seemed to work ok for a while but then he started getting annoyed by it...said he didn't want to talk about work at home, that he spent enough time there the way it was. I got the feeling that he just thought I was trying to be nosy ...how he got that out of my asking "how was your evening, not to busy I hope?" was being nosy I will never know. I just dropped it, no sense in going there if he doesn't want to be civil about it.

I am being more assertive and decisive. I have instigated a "date" night that we will have at least once a month. I have gotten tired waiting for him to do this on his own (another one of those things that falls under "when i have time and when I'm not tired"...or ends up getting cancelled because he times it to coincide with something else he "forgot" he had to do. I told him about my plan...he actually seemed pleased by it A light bulb went off then...I realized I am still in "wait" mode most of the time. I haven't figured out how to stop walking on egg-shells yet it seems NOw watch me over-shoot it and end up seeming controlling

That is the best i can summarize right some of what I typed before right now...probably still seems like a lot LOL.

Zoo

"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm." - Mahatma Gandhi