Zooland Revisited

[Zoo]

Ya know...I told myself I wasn't going to post anything of my own. My reason for leaving the bb was because H asked me too...it was causing unwarranted friction in our R and I had to respect that.

I needed somplace to talk though and the BB is probably the best support network I have ever had. There are so many wise and wonderful people here and I have always benefited from their knowledge and advice

Those who know me know that H and I reconciled at the end of Aug in 2003. The R is still going well for the most part although it has taken some stress hits from time to time. I have to admit that many of those hits were due to my crzymaking or "weirdness" as my H so fondly refers to it. The rest are issues of quality time. H's job and National Guard service have taken up a great deal of the past year and it seems as if it is going to hold true for this year as well At least this year has started out seeming that way

A number of positives were achieved this year. Some things have stayed the same. Some things still need a lot of work on them

Some Positives:

-Most goals were achieved. Granted...I kept things pretty simple but I needed that in order to keep my sanity. I am in the process of developing more goals and widening the scope.

- H gave me the RING for Christmas this year Some will probably remember how disappointed I was last xmas. I dreaded this xmas and having him ask me what I wanted. When he did I bit the bullet ("ask for what you want") but I told him that if it wasn't a gift HE felt he wanted to give me I understood and would APPRECIATE anything he chose. He truly surprised me though by not getting me a new wedding band (what I asked for) and instead got me an emerald and diamond engagement ring (I didn't have an engagement ring...we were pretty poor at the time).

- H took on some financial responsibility. He decided to work two full-time jobs for awhile to get rid of some of our debt that had occured while he was busy hanging out on another planet. He is still staying involved in the finances as well. My meds were increased and i have some cognitive difficulties because of it. I made a huge mess out of our bank account because I could no longer understand the program I was using. He developed a new program for me and goes over it with me every month to make sure I haven't forgotten or overlooked anything.
- I got my Amateur Radio License along with H. This is something we both enjoy and can do together. H was actually surprised by my interest in it. Duh! Radios and electronics were my job for 6 years lol. Just becuase I don't want to WORK on them all of the time doesn't mean I wouldn't like the more enjoyable aspects of them.

-I've dropped the rope on a few of my "triggers". They were definitely cheeseless tunnels for me and truly accomplished nothing other than cause me to start crazymaking again.

- I don't stutter any more. I have not had a seizure in two months. My increased med dosage has at least HELPED in this area.

Things that have stayed the same

-H still doesn't like R talk. He'll do it but i can tell it makes him uncomfortable. He is truly not an emotionally open person.

-communication skills still need work. H has a lot of problems with ASSumptions and I still haven't figured out how to get things across in the right way or with the right tone of voice.

-I still ask too many questions. This is something I just do in general and it drives him nuts. The sad thing is that I KNOW this but i haven't figured out a way to control it well He says I question EVERYTHING...I say I just want to know things and learn from them. A cheeseless tunnel I cant stop running down.