Well it came down too how long is long enough.. 3 years out of a 5 year marriage. Theres more bad then good. I just felt like I had given all there was to give and I tried my best. But at some point you just have to accept that its over and move on. I am trying not to punish her or hurt her, but I have just given up.
A few years ago before we moved accross country I had set up a date and told her about it before it happened and she begged me not to go on it, I gave in and things were better between us for about 2 months then it went to crap again. We moved acros the country to keep my job and she was already chatting with people from our new area before we even moved.
I feel in my heart that her changes are only temporary until I give in to her again. I have seen a lot of changes in her but they are all similar to the ones I have seen before.
Hence the need to move out, I think we both need some time alone to figure things out. I cant think at home now. Every night turns into a R talk. or she is crying and pouting and making some bs comments, when she gets mad... I have been trying to get out to the gym every night but sometimes I am just too tired to go. its hard to be there because home is in such turmoil right now. Still no respect at home from the kids.. Still a lot of fighting between the teenager and W. I am staying out of it. I have washed my hands at that whole situation. Even my 4 year old has been getting on my nerves lately. Mainly because he demands so much of my attention, and I have so much on my mind that I just cant think....
I still miss the attention from OW. I havent talked to, or seen her in over a week. Its not fair of me to drag her into my mess of a life. I need to live on my own and figure out my life and divorce before I can start a new R. with anybody.
I have a buddy at work that is going to rent me a room so I am thinking about moving out at the end of the month. For a couple of weeks or so... Maybe if I miss her then I will discover if I still have feelings for her.
Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust. A little less time for the rest of the world, And more for the two of us. Kisses each mornin, I love yous at night, Just like it used to be.
