What the hell am I doing????

[Zoo]

Ok Keving...while I sympathise with your sitch (lord knows it has been the rollercoaster ride from hell) there are some things that it is probably time to get down and dirty about.

Watch out...Zoo is swinging

Take a minute ans step outside of your sitch and read your post as if it were someone else's. WHAT would you tell the person?

You fell into the EA trap that so many of the WAS fall into...finding someone who will listen and show the kindness and sympathy that seems to be missing from the R. You yourself have expressed a great deal of anger, frustration, and despair at your W's actions regarding OM ...what makes it alright to do the EXACT same thing that she did to you...and now you COMPLAIN and carry on because she has had a change of heart and is now the one begging YOU to stay?? What about this speaks of good DB'ing to you? I'm not seeing it...all I'm seeing is spite and revenge rearing their ugly head.

Db'ing is hard work and a whole lot of compromise and setting certain aspects of ourselves aside...we do this because our WAS is worth it to us. Worth it enough that we DON'T hold their selfishness against them while they struggle to make their way through to the other side. We stand there waiting for them...waiting to catch them when they finally fall through. Even though we hope otherwise we KNOW that this doesn't happen overnight...for some it takes YEARS for it to be realized...for the lucky ones it takes months. I have a sneaky suspicion that you QUIT (yep, palying hardball here) doing what worked and had the whole thing break apart on you liek a house of cards. THERE IS NO HALF WAY OF DOING THIS! THERE IS NO "I DID EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSE TO NOW IT IS YOUR TURN" ! It is a way of life Kevin...not just a quick fix.

You should admit from your previous threads as well that you kicked and screamed the whole time about how to go about DB'ing. You more often than not ignored the advice given you and then lamented when your W would bail and couldn't "understand" WHY.

Granted...your W was no saint. She pulled a lot of dirty stunts on you; but hell, half the folks here on the bb have had a lot of dirty stunts pulled on them and many WORSE than you. We have all been used and ground into the dirt by their selfishness. We have all run screamming to the bb for succor and comfort. We have all proclaimed at the top of our lungs that WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH...then we cycle down and tighten our belts, roll up our sleeves and get on with the work at hand.

Now YOU want to turn the tables on your W?? You have firsthand knowledge of how your W probably feels right now...you want to put HER through that? That is about the most petty thing I have ever heard on this bb!

You have the perfect opportunity here...your W is on the bb WANTING to work through this (how many of us have wished fervently for that??) and yet you want to be childish and cry "too little, too late". Hmmmm...haven't you been on the receiving end of that one before? The sad thing is...YOU KNOW THE PROCESS and I have a sneaky suspicion that you will now USE IT AGAINST HER...in essence, she doesn't stand a snowballs chance in hell. She would probably be better off if you DID move out! PErhaps it would make you BOTH wake up and smell the coffee?

Just remember...you have children involved in this (one of YOUR laments and worries when she wasn't seeing things YOUR way) and no matter what...THEY COME FIRST.

Think about it.

Zoo