You were right, I can relate to your W. I, too, am not feeling the sexual desire for H. One thing that helps me deal with this issue is knowing others have this problem as well. I agree w/ one of the other posts that suggested you validate her feelings. Let her know that it's very common for women to lose the desire to be intimate after they have been hurt.
Try this analogy - with each hurt, we put a brick down in front of us. After a while we have enough hurts and therefore, bricks to build a wall. This wall wasn't built in one day; it certainly will not come down in one day.
Another thing that helps me feel closer to H is touch. What I mean is when we are out doing things together; just holding my hand, putting an arm around me; touching me in some non-sexual way. Let her come to you for a hug or kiss - I don't know why, but those tend to push us away, while we are in this "healing" mode.
Question - have you asked her what types of things make her feel loved?
The other thing that Michele says is sometimes you just have to do it. You have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to truly give to your partner. Once you do this, you will remember that you like sex, too. My advice, just don't force it. It will get there on it's own. Look at the message board for an article related to this topic. Print it out for your W. I think it might help validate her feelings.
