After the WAW comes home???

[Laurie]

Dawg,
It does appear you have become more clear that you need to back off in certain areas - good for you.

Regarding your most recent entry, letting your W initiate the emails and responding with a similar light tone seems like a good plan. It allows your W to set the pace a bit, not be possibly pressured by you, and letting her intiate helps you judge the amount and kind of contact your W wants.

Regarding ILY's - if you really sense your W responds well (examples: smiles, enjoys saying it back to you, gives you eye contact when she says it, may hug or kiss you at those times, etc...), then it may be a neutral or positive thing for you to say. But watch very, very carefully. If she is a bit ambivalent, sounds somewhat obligatory, possibly gets a bit tense when responding, then I'd back off from initiating ILY's. I would wait for her to initiate them and then respond warmly, but not over-enthusiastically.

Dawg, these changes are much more than playing a game. You are adjusting your behavior to become more sensitive to your W's needs at this point. You are changing your habits to offer more hope for your M. It would seem stranger to me to keep the same behavior you've had knowing it is pushing your W away. Real love is trying to understand what our spouse needs and being willing to give that to them. So Dawg, it's real love to make the changes you are trying to do.