I think the tapes are really going to pressure her. She has come home. That says a lot. You say that things are bad when you spend too much time together. That is a clue.
Are you doing the basic db steps and getting a life? Give her room and let her wonder about the new things that you begin in your life. I just get a sense that you are in heavy pursuit with her so present in your home.
Ease up. Focus on youself and start doing things differently than you were doing them pre-bomb. Give her some time to observe you as a different, vibrant, compelling creature she wants to SLOWLY get to know.
Hang in there. There is a lot of promise in your situation. Let her lead. In the meantime, get a life.
