sun

I would be lying if I said that in the perfect world I would not want my M to work. But you're right. I came a long way and the way things are now there would be no way for this R to work if SBXH is going to stay the way he is. Even if he came home tonight and said that he is back in it would take a lot of work for my trust to be earned back. I gave me a lot of opportunities to show me that he can be trustworthy, I out right asked for particular things but he is not there yet and he might never get there.

I had a C session in the AM. It was with the same C we went for MC. She knew how I was then and when I spent 1.5 hrs with her (I know, she is great like that - she really will spend time, our first MC session was 3 hrs!) she said she was amazed how far I came and how different I was. She was very proud of me and told me that no matter what is the ourcome right now is my opportunity to learn and I seem to be doing just that.

Unfortunatelly when I came home I got a bill from the insurance and for some reason they denied payments for the MC sessions saying that she was not a provided.....I need to give them a call because she was listed on the insurance site. Anyway, I have an appt with her next Fri and if the insurance won't cover it I won't be able to keep it. It's just way too much money and being that I'll be on the single income again I won't be able to pull it off.

Well, it's past the time SBXH would normally call to say he is on the bus, I guess he won't be doing it anymore. Wonder if I should stop calling when leaving work myself. Common curtesy not returned or should I just act AS IF and keep doing it regardless until we are no longer under the same roof. Of course his cell could've died and all so benefit of the doubt will be given until proven otherwise. Time to read some more, the C said to keep doing it because it obviously helped me a lot. She also wanted to see some printouts from my journaling on the site....gotta do some editing about that huh? I've been really honest about things here and might be really embarassed to share it eye to eye. If I'll be able to go back that is.