I decided to turn off the lights and settle for bed probably about 10 minutes before H came home. He took the dog out (I did too but he is always up for a walk) and then I heard him in the kitchen (eating?) and then in the bathroom. He came upstairs and tried to be as quiet as he could - I pretended to be asleep. Once he finally got in bed I lifted the head and said "hello". I asked about the movie and he was telling me his opinion (not that good but still enjoyed it). He asked me about my day, I said it was good and that I had a FRIEND over to cook lunch/dinner for me. He said - I noticed, it was a GUY friend right? I must admit that this question took me by surprise and I said so. I asked him why he thought it was a guy- he said that the things were moved/rearranged so he knew someone was over and he said that the toilet seat was up and there was some "sprinkling". He said that he wanted to know if he was as good of the detective as he thought he was. He said he didn't care but he was just asking and he did not understand why I was so standoffish with my asnwer.
I did not specify if it was a man or a woman - I said FRIEND. I did not specify after he asked me if it was a GUY friend - I really see no reason for him to know one way or the other. I just said that it upsets me that he is implying I was disrespectful (inviting a guy over to the house when H is away seems disrespectuf to me regardless of the sitch).
So, this morning when I woke up after he was already up he did not say a word- I did not either. Finally once I got downstairs after getting dressed I said "goodmorning" to him and acted "as if". He did not go back to last night's conversation. So far no attempt to communicate with me.
Funny thing is that I would normally be upsets and scared that he would interpret last evening as me cheating on him and possible way of hurting the chance for fixing the R. This time- no effect on me. I must be a queen of detachment!
I received an e-mail from a BIG BOSS and it cought me by surprise. It was about PMA. I decided to share it with everyone here because it made me cry and reinforced the DBing and what it is trully about - making ourselves happy.
Positive Mental Attitude!!
We can all learn a lesson from this great old girl!
The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.
Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready.
As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window.
"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait."
"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged... it's how I arrange my mind.
I already decided to love it "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.
Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ...just for this time in my life.
Old age is like a bank account ...you withdraw from what you've put in.
So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories.
Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Pass this message to 7 people except you and me. You will receive a miracle tomorrow.
Now, STOP! Did you hear what I just said.
You WILL receive a miracle tomorrow. So send it!
-- If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Happy moments, Praise God. Difficult moments, Seek God. Quiet moments, Worship God. Painful moments, Trust God. Every moment, Thank God.
Feeling weird today. Last night I came home and got a proposal of settlement agreement that my L sent me (it's what my SBXH's L prepared). I am disappointed in the offer, if this is more generous than his L was recommending, I don't want to think what was the initial number (my SBXH told me that he asked his L to increase the number in my favor). Of course this is just the first draft, I will need to call my L and schedule an appt to work on my answer. Probably next week when we have that phone conference with the judge.
I guess I'm feeling more sad today since it's becoming so final. I knew that it did for a long time but the more tangible things get the sadder I get.
Last night before falling asleep I cried a little - just missing feeling loved, missing the ability to make new happy memories with my SBXH.
You're going to be okay, and yes, one day this will be a distant memory. You're taking good care of yourself both financially and emotionally it would appear from what you've said. You also have the satisfaction of having done the right thing by trying to save your M against great odds. I admire your willingness to continue to face the fire.
We're all going through the same thing and support you 100%.
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
Thank you Shawn. I'm at the home stretch here, it's just a matter of weeks before the limbo is over and what's left is to deal with reality and finality.
Got an e-mail from SBXH asking me about airports in Chicago. He's flying there probably in March for a show (initially were were both going and staying at my parents) and wanted to know which airport was closer to the venue. I gave him my advice, commented on his comment of being tired and wanting to sleep and asked him to prepare shopping list since I'm going food shopping tomorrow.
He answered back very thankful for my input, talked about his plans for cooking dinner and the fact that his friend is coming over to work on his freelance. He asked me if I could pick up some art supplies on the way back but then said that it's okay if I won't, he'll just go himself.
I replied "you're welcome, anytime (about my advice)" and offered to pick up the stuff since I'll be driving by the store anyway. He thanked me back and wrote down what he needed. Did not reply to that e-mail (trying not to be the last one to write back).
So that's it. Just another day waiting for what's left of paradise to crumble.
hey Shawn and Crushed- need some advice here quick- H FINALLY TEXED ME!! Its funny, I was feeling really sad the last couple of days, and was praying that H could just feel what i am feeling sometimes. Doesn't he miss me, does he ever think about me? Doesn't he ever miss talking to me? I was thinking about texting him cause I was remembering that when it was cold I always used to climb all over him in bed to warm up, and he's always tease witrh me on that. i used to call him a heat pump. I didn't text cause , well, its pointless, and but I so wanted to be able to joke with him and share that .Well--- this morning at 11am I get a text saying "I was just wondering how you are doing? I haven't talked to you for awhile".It is now 1:12pm here in Fl, and I have not texted him back. I did call my sister and she said DON'T get excited, its nothing-- He could care less how you are doing- this is just the warm up to asking for those papers. Text him back if you want to ...but DO NOT call him,you'll end up telling him everything you've been up to for the last week, and its none of his business.He could have called you at lunch time if he was really interested in how you are, right?
So I have saved the draft to be sent-what do you think...
Hi! I am ok, I wonder how are YOU these days too...??
Lets him know I do think about him, too. I know he won't call me , though. I am waiting to text, I don't want him to think i am desperate (although we all know I have been praying for contact!!!) Figure I'll send it at about 2pm. I don't want to say more, cause I don't want to let on how sad I actually am, and if this IS the "papers" warm up, I don't want to get upset by fooling myself into thinking he actually wanted to know about me, but really he doesn't, ya know??? I HATE all of this, I would just love to have called back and said "Hi honey! I was just thinking about you this morning, and the "heat pump" !This all seems like such game playing bulls**t, and i am losing patience with all of it. The facts are that he IS going to divorce me, he IS with OW, and there seems to be nothing to change that.
Slow down!! You're getting carried away from this contact. How about...Not texting him back. Just lay back and wait for him to do so again. If he's hell bent on D, then whether you text him or not isn't going to change that. But maybe, just maybe, he is wondering what you are up to. I know it seems like a game, but the whole point is to get them wondering what you're up to and to start to pursue you. If you burn up the keypad trying to respond, he'll have no worry about your still being there as plna B.
I know it's hard not seeing/hearing from them, just hang in there. We're here with you!
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
I'm absolutely with Shawn on that one (sorry I did not answer earlier but I was on phone conference with BIG BOSS trying to save my butt). Don't text him back and wait for the next one. If he is really concerned - your silence will make him more concerned. He might even call this time and if he does just pretend that when you got the text you were busy and then it just completely went out of your head. Be perky and pleasant - do not let him know you missed him. If he texts you again, this time wait for about hour or so and text him back saying - things are busy here, I'm doing fine, how are you. Simple, to the point, showing him that you HAVE life.
Hi Sportster, I too agree with Shawn and crushed. Don't answer just yet. I DO NOT agree with your sister. I could be wrong but I don't think he is trying to warm you up for the papers. There is no sense in that at all. He knows you don't want the D so he knows there is no warming you up! I bet the OW and her crazy life is getting to him. And maybe he is thinking about you being quiet and not bugging him. Hmmm, which would be nicer do you think? Take it easy, S. Don't let on that you are missing him, thinking about him, etc. You have been living life and doing pretty well on your own, thank you very much! It is a baby step. Just keep talking to us here instead of texting him. We will get you through it!
Quote: the whole point is to get them wondering what you're up to and to start to pursue you. If you burn up the keypad trying to respond, he'll have no worry about your still being there as plan B. I know it's hard not seeing/hearing from them
Yes, very. While I'm dark, my WAW is proceeding along with her new relationship, entrenching herself in it, I'd imagine, as people do when they're in relationships. I'm not entirely convinced that she's thinking about me nowadays. She used to. Some months past she told me she thought about me all the time, but that was back when I was emailing her sentiments, hand made cards on occasion. Though it prompted tears of guilt most probably on her part, it may have helped me stay on her mind. So what to do? Michelle does mention in DR that it's helpful that the WAS experience feelings of guilt, grief, remorse, yet if I'm continually making her feel guilty, that's not good either. She's got to feel guilty by herself. But we forgave each other in order to pave the way for a friendship, and if she feels forgiven, why would she feel guilty?
She recently wrote me that my wishing to maintain a friendship with her meant a lot to her. So, wouldn't her desire to maintain a friendship with me prompt her to contact me more often if I'm dark? Or is the ball in my court, when it should be in hers?
