I'm a camel too. I know it will dry out soon enough (I actually did not think I would want anything to happen once I made up my mind but hey! changing minds is the name of the game) so I'm just taking in as much as I can. I've been thinking about the next 12 months after the D is final. How I"ll be feeling, will I be ready for anything? Should I go out there looking or let it come to me? I don't want to hurt myself or anybody else in the process. I guess I'll just take one day at a time once the need is there.
Holy crap on a stick Crushed!!!! The crushed girl got her some booty, eh? Forgive me for being jealous. H and I did have some issues to work on in that department, but the last few weeks we were together it was awesome. Unfortunately, THATS the memory I have stuck in my head, so it makes it double tough.And I know how you feel about "filling up". We both joked that maybe it was so good because we may not be getting any for a while after the split (i didn't realize it would be ME who wouldn't be getting any...). It was during the hurricane weeks and we had to stay in alot. It was so great. We hadn't been like that to each other in a very long time. Can you please send a 55 gallon drum of whatever it is you guys are taking for this bronchitis , send it to my H- fed ex overnight? I can understand how you felt awkward this morning, though. Its been so long for us (me, anyway.I am sure H is not suffering sexual anorexia ) I think I would feel funny (afterwards)about letting loose and enjoying each other as well. You know I would be willing to take the chance of awkward !!! Again thats why it hard cause I remember how good it could be and now SHE is gettin that. Well, maybe not- if my erectile dysfunction wish came true... So, keep us in the loop. I am interested to see if it helps you in the next few days, or if everyone has a "oops, we probably shouldn't have done that" moment. Whatever YOU do, don't apologize, or say it was a mistake, or refuse any advances (unless you don't want them). Maybe it was some of that drugged relaxed talk about nothing that helped set the stage for what happened. No R talk, just stuff you'd discuss if you were two people just hanging out. And yes you may still be headed for D, and it could still happen. But he was willing too, and thats gotta tell you a little something. Even if the D comes to pass, he still sees you as someone that is desirable. And I ageree, that Is a powerful feeling. I know my H still found me attractive, even after we split, maybe more so cause of the weight loss. But then that switch got flipped and now he doesn't want to come here for whatever reasons. But when he does I still get those hugs kisses that leave me wanting more.I have been told as you know that he may be doing it just to keep me friendly. But you know my hope is that he does still have feelings and has to deal with OW drama and cannot be getting involved with me now. So, I am happy for you if you are happy for you. Don't be too upset if he ignores you now sexually or any other way for the next day or so, it can hapen. Sometimes the moment just takes you, and you go with it, but then it makes things more complicated. If you do not pressure him with R talk now, I think you will be ok. And who knows , it can happen again. How long is that prescription for.....
not to rub it in but it felt so amazing. I think what felt more amazing was the fact that he was kissing me despite us being sick...he really wanted to. At one point when snuggling my back was to him and I felt him kiss my neck - that was before having sex. It felt that he really cared for me. I'm not reading much into it. I dropped the rope and I'm now detached. But I still look forward to any affection possible. It just boosts my ego and makes me feel less worthless and rejected. I don't feel that the whole world thinks I"m a loser. I just feel that HE did not want me anymore but he is just one person and there is so many other out there.
When it comes to the syrup - I don't think it was the medicine that caused us to have sex I think it just helped me to feel more free with my feelings so I did not bottle them in as I would normally do and I was able to tell him that I will miss him.
Today, as he was cleaning his studio I looked at him and felt this urge to give him a hug. Now, when we were "happily married" I would often have the urge to show him my feelings by hugging, kissing or whatever but I would not do it because of the fear that he would want more (sex) and I did not want it or because I felt that he should know how I feel and therefore I don't need to actually show him (taking for granted part - yup, big time). This time I just decided to do it. I came up and said "I just want to give you a hug". He was surprised and asked why, I answered that because he is a great guy and that I know I should've done it before but better late than never and I just wanted him to know that I do feel that he is a great guy (not for me anymore but still). I was happy that I did that. I have nothing to gain/lose but that's a 180 for me. Actually acting up and showing my feelings.
Well then I am happy that this is a 180 for you! And if you feel better after you do it, then it was the right thing to do. During this whole sitch this time, I have had to wrestle with alot of decisions. And I found if I had to think about it forever, and one way felt bad and the other felt good, like I would have no remorse over it, the thats the way I would go. He didn't refuse your hug,right? He was pleasantly surprised. Although, in his male brain he was probably thinking" Well M'am you are welcome. that was some mighty fine lovin and you are showin your appreciation.yesseree, I am still the man" Guys forgive me - I am only messin here. I read one time, I think it was Mark Twain? Said he could live for 3 weeks on a good compliment. I know how that feels and as for ML, hell I've been livin off that last time for 5 months !! Good that you are not jumping to conclusions, and are still detached. Does it help to think "hey, I did this for me?" I know you missed that physical connection with H, as I do with mine. But if you think you did this for yourself as well as him and the R ,it'll be easier on you if he decides to get sexual anorexia in the coming days. Sweet dreams Crushed! betcha you'll sleep good tonight!
I totally feel good about my decisions now. I feel that at this point I have nothing to loose. I'm not happy about the D but I know that this is where it will end. Life will not suddenly stop and I will have to live with it and it's up to me what I'll make of it.
My SBXH was pleasantly surprised with my "outburst" of appreciation and affirmation. He has a day off from work today so he was going to stay up little later to take care of his art and freelance commisions. I took my syrup and started feeling little weird around 10:20pm so I went downstairs to say goodnight to him and tell him that if he was about to be done I'm up for a conversation. He laughed and said that he ia actually calling it a night and if I'm wired then I can walk the dog. I replied that I'm in the convesation mode not the dog-walking mode.
He came upstairs probably 20 min later, got ready for bed and set up in it asking if I wanted to have that "conversation". I was getting sleepy at this point and said "how about instead we just snuggle". That must have been another surprise to him because he was a bit speechless but okay with the snuggling. I hugged him and said once again that he is a great guy. He smiled, said, I know, you are a great guy too. I laughed and said that actually I'm not a guy but thanks anyway.
Well, that was the end of me being sleepy. I think I might be allergic to the stuff afterall because I started to itch all over. Couldn't sleep but feeling his body against mine I was getting frisky. Probably an hour into tossing and turning ( he woke up and asked what's wrong) I said I'm frisky- he huffed and puffed and said my name in a way that made me think he is annoyed with me. I said to him not to worry, I'm not asking him for anything and that I can take care of it myself.
So I did - except that he kept rubbing my head and my back. Then I did again - except that this time he joined! So...uhm...yeah...got me some booty again! Snuggled rest of the night and now I'm back at work....sucks! I really wanted to sleep in this morning!
Coincidentally I've read through "Her Needs His Needs" by Willard Harley, and he mentions a popular need among men is that men like to have their women be proud of them and admire them (and demonstrating affection isn't bad either). That fits in well with both your husband's reaction to you telling him that he's a great guy. Apparently Twain was on the right track.
I guess I will have to look into that book. I'm finding out more and more that I had no clue what men wanted. My H was my first and when I think about my previous flings - I really did nothing to sustain them. I was really passive to the point of...hm...stand offish? I have to learn to speak the Male lingo now that I might be single again. Not something I wanted to do in this stage of my life (the need for it that is) but better late than never!
Just popping in to say Hi. It's good to hear your felling better about yourself. The little "conversations" are great too. If your not careful your going to "talk" him out of this whole mess.
!!! Again thats why it hard cause I remember how good it could be and now SHE is gettin that. Well, maybe not- if my erectile dysfunction wish came true...
I think it just helped me to feel more free with my feelings so I did not bottle them in as I would normally do and I was able to tell him that I will miss him.
