I know not everything is my fault. It really does take two people especially when there are two people to be concerned. But I have no problem admitting how much of that is my fault. I did not mean to sound that I"m taking FULL responsibility, I only take and own up to what's mine. I don't think SBXH will ever believe me, there are really no actions I can take that would show him that aside from just D. It breaks my heart every time I think that I lost that man- he really was everything I could ever hope for. I had it and totally took it for granted. He talked to me about his needs and that only got me angry and more distant because I had my needs but WAS NOT talking to him about them, or rather I was not making that clear to him. THAT is what I need to forgive myself for. I do believe he loved me a lot but he is a human being and when he don't feel that you getting something back when you keep giving, you give up. I think I would too that's why I forgave him for giving up. I'm going to have to work on forgiving for what's he's done since then but that's another thing.
I really do wish things could work out differently. I can't change the past though. And there is a lot of things that happen in the past that are preventing him from giving me another chance, and chances are my ability to give him another chance is affected by the past (and present) as well.
