Wow this thread really took off! Corri you know how to get things moving, that's for sure.
Jenny, I get what you are saying. It is a peculiar quandary. My H has very few unmet needs. In fact, he has never expressed a desire for me to do anything--and oftentimes asks me to NOT do as much as I do--except for give more hugs and kisses. I believe that he does have needs..and that by meeting them I increase the intimacy between us, but I just don't know if it's the same as with the LDW's...where it kills off their desire to ML.
MrsNOP, I am only speaking for myself but I wanted to say that I do NOT expect my H to show desire on a level that I do. What I do expect is that he show desire. He has told me that he does desire me. I need to be shown that. It is simply not enough for me to have blind trust in his words and never see any demonstrable sign of it. What he doesn't have to do is show it in a way that I want it shown. (although I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want him to do it differently, at times!) As long as he makes an effort to show his desire, I will accept it graciously. But I will say this: It's gotta be a genuine effort. Sending out a signal so that I will pick up on it and take it from there really isn't showing ME that he wants ME. I do need him to stick his neck out..to experience the vulnerability. It is part of the sexual experience and it is necessary that both partners participate in this, or the imbalance of something exists.
Finally, to you, dear Corri. No I can't imagine what it would be like to give my BODY as a way to speak my mate's love language. I do make an effort to speak H's language and it is not easy for me. He is an acts of service man as well as a spiritual talks guy. For my acts of service, I make sure the house is spotless every single day. I cook all of his meals that he eats, every day. I initiate (the important part! it's just not the same if I participate in a convo that he starts) religious talks with him and 'show' him my spiritual and faith-filled side. Corri I can so relate to your recent postings. I have a lot of faith but I do NOT get the same charge out of it that my H does. Remembering to have these talks...and managing to bring a certain level of enthusiasm to them is terribly hard for me. At times I feel like a fraud and wonder if he thinks I am, too. Other times, I just enjoy how his face lights up and try to keep it going as long as I can. Other times, I am quite honestly not in the right frame of mind to even start one.
I really do sympathize with you on this count.
Fortunately for me, there is church every Sunday. And a certain level of religiosity that is present in our daily lives (prayers before bedtime and meals, pictures, books, etc) that keeps it in my mind.
Do you think scheduled sex would work much in the same way for you? If you are opposed to it, can you outline why that is? (I would love to have some insight into this from my H's perspective)
One last question: Has your H ever made any attempt at all to speak your LL? If he has, I will probably be able to work up some empathy for him...if not, welllllllllllllllllllll that's a whole nother story.
