Quote: That's just it, Dave. I don't have any horniness for me OR him to control. It's not like it's in there and I'm withholding it on purpose. If it was in there, he could have every last drop of it.
Corri, reading this thread is helping me to understand my W so much more. She is in the ND category herself although she no longer does what she doesn't feel any desire for.
Now in reading your posts it seems you are far more frustrated by your H's inability to "understand" where "YOU" are on the subject of sexual desire than having to "force" yourself regularly. Even if he were able to just "accept" where "YOU" are and continue the M without complaints about his/your SL as it is, you would still long for him to "understand" you.
Lets see if I can relate to your feelings.
Physically and mentally, a colorblind person cannot understand the color red. To us it has power, passion, heat, love..... it has meanings that no other color will convey like it can. Yet to the colorblind person they can see that the red is different than the other colors in the palette but they will never "understand" the meaning.... to them it is just another shade of gray. It does not mean that they cannot "accept" its meaning and even enjoy using colors to try and enhance their life as it relates to other people but, to them the bright red paper wrapping on a valentine gift is'nt needed.
As love is the shading to a relationship, sex and intimacy are the colors. The colorblind person sees and requires the shading as much as anyone else but the color is not even seen by them and never can be(never is long time). Corri is colorbind which does not matter to Corri except in how she relates to other people, specifically Mr. Crayola. She can have and even enjoy sex with Mr. Crayola but will never "need" sex to be complete in her relationship, only love.
If Mr. Corri were to formulate an analogy of his own and then state it to you showing he truly understood, I bet you would be back in the BJ business within minutes... with love.
The only advice I can give is for you to learn how to be a better actress. You might even do some study (of your own, on your own) on porn films, not to become aroused, but to learn how to act like you are. Learn some drama, take classes if you have to, then inject some role playing into your R and SL. If your in control of his SL (which I agree you are) then take the damn wheel and drive. Talk to Mr. Corri to see if he'll mind trading off increased frequency for increased quality. You can vary the frequency to avoid being in a rut. As for what you get out of the deal its still a loss for you but it is for him too. Would you rather bake cupcakes every night or a 3 layer-cake once a week. You need to become the prime driver leading the SL in a way that works best for you and Hey!....he might even give you your chair back.
Quote: I think to myself, "well shiit yeah, if I had a bottomless well of desire, you'd have to strap on five more peters to keep up with me, baby."
I think that your understanding of what it is like to be a HD is misguided and leans toward extremeism. Its like accusing your spouse of being a sex maniac. This is probably as noticeable to Mr. Corri as his lack of understanding is to you. He doesn't appear to know how to articulate this to you or may not even know that this is important to him.
Just use the colorblind analogy again. You have stated that you cannot for the life of you discern any colors. Try to imagine the "Wizard of Oz" movie. Its about as close as you can get to an understanding. I am a bit sorry for you but also envious because you have no distractions when it comes to the shading.
