Quote: He feels controlled, simply because he is at your mercy on this one.
Yep. That's it. It's just like the initiation/rejection thing HP has been talking about wherein she says that she's a sure thing. You (Corrie) can have sex any time you want it. As you said yourself, your H is a bottomless well of physical desire. He'll do it at the drop of a hat - even if he has to drop the hat himself.
The converse is not true. Even if you have NEVER rejected him, your H is not so dense as to know that you don't have the same level of desire that he does. Thus, he moderates his requests, initiation, or what have you to try to accommodate YOUR desire level. So your relatively lower level of desire IS controlling, or at least affecting your (his) SL. The LD partner can have sex any time they want it. The HD partner can’t. They are restrained by the desire level of the LD partner. That restraint may come from the HD partner, but it is still restraint and it is still precipitated by the lower desire level. So while it may be technically incorrect to say that the LD partner controls the sex, the LD partner’s drive does.
I don't intend for that to sound mean and I hope you can see what I'm trying to say. I’m just speaking from my own experience. Without rehashing any of my own personal issues here, I know that I modify my preferred frequency based upon my understanding of my W’s lower desire. It’s no different than modifying your behavior when your spouse is sick – and no, I’m not saying that LD is a sickness. If you’re feeling horny but your spouse is in bed with the flu, you try not to think about it, you mb, …, you do something – but you don’t have sex. Even though YOU are the one modifying your behavior, it’s the status of the spouse that’s behind the modification.
LD is much the same. Your H knows that you don’t desire sex as often as he does, so he reduces the amount of requests. It’s an over-simplification, but it’s pretty straightforward: 1. you can have sex any time you want, and 2. he can have sex when you’re in the mood, when you’re not in the mood but you’re willing, or when he feels that asking you wouldn’t be seen as undue pressure. So making it even simpler, you can have sex any time you want to (I’m a sure thing), I can’t (you’re not a sure thing), so you’re the one in control here.
