I think you handled yourself quite well, actually.

Let me ask you this:

If/when your husband states that he needs more sex than you two are currently having, how does that conversation go?

Perhaps, in his own special way , he is asking for an increase in the lovemaking.
What he is doing wrong is assuming that you will say NO to this and so he ends up feeling resentful and pissy over an answer that he has not actually even heard. He feels controlled, simply because he is at your mercy on this one. He does not trust that you would agree to up the frequency if HE needs it and this ticks him off.

I'm not sure what to tell you as far as a solution, tho! I think you handled it quite well and I got some great insight with your post-conversation thoughts.

Honeypot