Just for the record, I'll recap my own thoughts in regard to this situation.
1) I got volcano angry because we had, not FIVE minutes before, talked about him shooting off in my mouth, and I told him I'd rather not. That behavior, coupled with other rude encounters the week prior, pissed me off.
HOWEVER, my being pissed off is MY problem, not my Hs. I had to get over the anger part and figure out why I shot from 0 to volcano pissed, AND what I was going to do about it. What was behind my H's obvious disregard was bugging me, too. I got over being angry. What I did not get over was being treated so disrespectfully. I had two issues. Making sure H understood why I felt his treatment was disrespectful, and bringing his attention to the fact that he was just as responsible for the health and well being of the R as I am. Ignoring the problem, or hoping it would just solve itself probably isn't in our best interest. He agreed with me. He understood my points, too. But I do believe it was because I wasn't interested in persecuting him over it, I just wanted to get back on track, that we had such a productive conversation. He wants a good R just as much as I do, and I always need to remember that.
2) My accepting my H's "this relationship sucks" and "you control the sex," as an attempt to communicate in a constructive way is on par with Dave accepting his wife's lame lines to initiate sex. It may be an attempt, but it is a piss poor attempt, and yes, I'm going to call him on it.
3) When my H does make such piss poor attempts at communication, I need to address the issue immediately, WITHOUT taking it personally, instead of letting it build up over time and letting it get out of hand. Does he have to communicate the way I prefer? No. Can I help draw him out or rephrase, or clarify? Absolutely. If I don't do these things, then I am just as guilty as he is if the relationship gets off track.
4) Just for the record, since NOP has been following me since day 1, he knows of my H feeling he is 'entitled' to sex, and that it has been an issue between us. H has gotten much better about the entitlement issue, but when we hit our road bumps, his 'entitlement' attitude comes out full force. I think to this is what NOP was referring.
5) I prefer to be right in all things so I can feel saintly, justified, regal, royal and without flaw. My Center of the Universe Chair is a thrown like no other. It is, however, a chair that seats only one. I had to give up the thrown for my prince, though please don't hold it against me for missing my chair sometimes. It was a very cool chair.
