Aw, shiit you mean I don't get to try out my new witchy shoes with da bling? That is a bummer!!!!!
I'm so happy that the convo went well. I suspected that he didn't have a clue as to how to meet your needs. Keep tweaking that concept and my hope is that he will become proficient at it, just like he is his career.
HP
P.S. Glad to hear the castration comment hit home with him. I initially included that just to make you smile your little wicked smile but it looks as if it had some other benefit.
Regarding having your needs met..I really think this is a process and not a one-time conversation. My H obviously knows that my LL is physical touch.
But do you know that I still have to remind him (gently and with humor) at least twice per week? You COULD call this being the keeper of the R, but I choose to reframe this as a little on the job training. This is counterintuitive to him so I have to keep reminding him and giving him positive reinforcement. My guess is that you will have to do the same with your H. When an opportunity comes up in which my H could be meeting a need of mine, I have been saying "you know...now would be a good time for you to touch me..." My tone of voice is critical in these moments. I keep it light and funny and he responds well.
At his heart he just wants to please me.
I have a hunch that your husband is exactly the same way.
I had a feeling he would turn around quickly. That's something I noticed with my H...a quicker turn around time. He is also just starting to take " preventative action" but in baby steps. I give him a lot of positive reinforcement for this. We have a busy weekend and will miss date nite...this am he said let's go out for a quick dinner alone (it's nice now because I can leave my daughter in charge for an hr or two...see how it gets easier, HP??). Sounds so simple but it is huge for him.
Anyway, you did a great job getting him to de-fuse and "see" you as a person, not just wife-object.
IHJ-- who is making a bonfire and it tossing in her relationship monitor hat...alright, so I'm still clutching it, so what
Quote: But do you know that I still have to remind him (gently and with humor) at least twice per week? You COULD call this being the keeper of the R, but I choose to reframe this as a little on the job training.
This is counterintuitive to him so I have to keep reminding him and giving him positive reinforcement. My guess is that you will have to do the same with your H. When an opportunity comes up in which my H could be meeting a need of mine, I have been saying "you know...now would be a good time for you to touch me..."
My tone of voice is critical in these moments. I keep it light and funny and he responds well.
Good points, all. I do not mind positive reinforcement whatsoever, especially the kind of PR he likes best... he's just gotta give it the good college try... one for the Gipper... that kind of thing.
I wasn't sure he would turn around... I have to say that I really had to think about my approach to him on this. If I go in, guns blazing, he just shuts down and gets mean. (Can't really blame him). Yet, I can't be too subtle or he misses the point completely.
I also had to change tactics, and make my boundary very clear to him without coming off as threatening. Whatever that feeling was that came over me the other day really helped me step back from my emotions and define for myself what the issues were.
After a fight like the one we had the other night, I could stew and stew and stew over something like that for weeks, elongating the pain, and just making matters worse, quite frankly.
But when I realized I was uninterested in dipping back into theatrics and drama, it was astounding how quickly my revelations came pouring in... I dunno. It was weird. Almost like an out of body experience...
I have felt something like this happening to me lately. Uninterested in dipping back into the drama is the BEST description I could ever come up with.
It is much easier for me to set a boundary and stick with it if I am not caught up in my own hysteria.
As far as it being out of character, YES, I have been feeling that way. I briefly wondered if I had some sort of brain tumor or other mood-altering anomaly because this is just SO out of character for me!
